We just conducted the first-ever national poll of national pollsters. Here’s what those nosy bastards really think. An eSarcasm exclusive.

Worldwide network pleads with candidates to release their next debate gaffes and ‘zingers’ early, so it will have time to prepare. An eSarcasm exclusive.

What do people really do when they go online? You might be very surprised. Or you might already know. In either case, check out this cool infographic, dammit. An eSarcasm nonexclusive.

Unscrewed Polls tells the real story of the 2012 presidential race, free from statistical bias. Guess what? The Republicans are winning big with invisible beasts and extraterrestrials.

What, you thought Apple’s magical software was actually flawed? Think again, muchacho. An eSarcasm exclusive.

That luscious Duchess just can’t seem to keep her bloomers on. She has been royally exposed once again — and we’ve got the goods. Prepare to be shocked, amazed, and, well, titillated.

Everything you almost thought you knew about the iPhone 5 is almost wrong. Here’s the real skinny on the fifth coming of the Jesus Phone. Available only on eSarcasm.

Tech products have some really stupid disclaimers. Here are 30 of the worst we’ve seen.

Spurning our generous offers, Marissa Mayer has left Google and joined Yahoo. Words cannot describe our disappointment.

The DNSchanger malware completely destroyed the 43-year-old network, leaving millions of Facebook and Twitter users with nothing to do all fucking day. An eSarcasm special report.

Apple is suing the fictional Nickelodeon star, claiming irreparable damages to its brand and business model. An eSarcasm exclusive.