Google has banned hundreds of terms from showing up in its “Instant” search results — and some of them are more than a little bizarre.

Apple’s filed a patent for a new device that’d identify you by your hands. We have a few theories about what the company might really be up to.

The Emergency Bra doesn’t merely lift, shape, and support, it may also save your life in case of a gas attack. Even if not, it’s certainly worth a try.

Kentucky Fried Chicken has come up with a novel way to promote its Double Down sandwiches — using the derrieres of college girls. God love ‘em.

And you thought fart apps were bad. Discover a whole new reason to bring your magical Apple iPad into the loo. We shit you not.

Yes, eSarcasm was hacked, but now we’re back and snarkier than ever. Seriously. We’re all good. You can stop hiding under your desks now.

Craigslist has caved and censored its Adult Services ads, thus putting an end to prostitution for all time. Or something like that.

This week in tech: Paris Hilton gets busted for coke, Facebook wants to trademark “face” and “book,” Verizon becomes Microsoft shill, Tiger looks for new holes to fill.

The home of Geek Humor Gone Wild undergoes cosmetic surgery, adding new sections and several inches to its already generously endowed home page.

What do contraception, male love juice, John Madden and barley loaves have in common? We were hoping you could tell us. Join us for a long strange trip into our reader mailbag.

Turns out social networks and socialites have plenty of things in common — you know, like how often they go down and how important it is to fill their holes.