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Digital Dump

Flushing the most laughably inane, utterly ridiculous pitches and products that cross our virtual desks.

This Cell Phone Knows What You Did Last Night

This Cell Phone Knows What You Did Last Night

If you think the geotracking technology of today is invasive, wait till you see the movement-tracking technology of tomorrow.

Your cell phone could soon know exactly what you did with your right hand last night. Engineers at Japan's KDDI phone corporation have announced a new kind of mobile technology that tracks "even the tiniest movement" of users, according to the BBC. Strapped to your wrist, it would log every tiny detail of your arm's movement and beam it back to a centralized command center. And we both know how your arm was moving...[Read more]

New American Family: Gay Catholic Ex-Stripper Awaits Birth of Twins Carried by Husbands Sister

New American Family: Gay Catholic Ex-Stripper Awaits Birth of Twins Carried by Husbands Sister

Gay ex-stripper/altar boys are procreating via the miracles of modern science. Yes, this is a real press release. Even we can’t make shit like this up.

Introducing the Porn Detection Stick

Introducing the Porn Detection Stick

If you think you’ve seen it all, get ready to meet the Porn Detection Stick — a 3-inch gadget that, despite all signs to the contrary, is not something we just made up.

Get a Glue, Dude: SuperGlue Answers All Your Sticky Questions

Get a Glue, Dude: SuperGlue Answers All Your Sticky Questions

A new interactive texting service aims to keep you from coming unglued by answering all your adhesive-related queries. All we can say is, it’s about time.

Anonymous: Standing Up Down Under for Small-Breasted Women

Anonymous: Standing Up Down Under for Small-Breasted Women

The Web’s most infamous collective of prankster/protestors is taking on the Aussie government over the right to view nude flat-chested Sheilas. Good onya, mates!

Nothing Says Lame PR Like Equating Beef With Love

Nothing Says Lame PR Like Equating Beef With Love

We received a press release today with the following line: “Nothing says love like beef and backrubs.” And no, it wasn’t written by Doug Heffernan.

Ron Jeremy Inches His Way Into CES

Ron Jeremy Inches His Way Into CES

Ron Jeremy (yes, that Ron Jeremy) is stopping by CES this week. He’ll be engaging in a fluidic exchange.

Dumb Product Deathmatch: Bacon Soap vs. Hair Diamonds

Dumb Product Deathmatch: Bacon Soap vs. Hair Diamonds

Reddit has launched a new line of meat-scented soaps, while a jewelry-maker is selling diamonds made from Michael Jackson’s hair. Which product stinks worse?