Dr. Smartass

Our expert answers your questions and reveals the latest in unlikely scientific discoveries.
Don’t like what he has to say? Get your own fake Ph.D.

‘Everyone Loves AT&T’ and Other Ridiculous Research

‘Everyone Loves AT&T’ and Other Ridiculous Research

If you believe some recent research claiming most customers actually love AT&T, you’ll probably believe these equally absurd studies compiled by our own Dr. Smartass, too.

As a proud member of the faux-science community, your dear Dr. S loves keeping up with all kinds of research. Admittedly, the studies that catch my eye tend to be mainly about sex, sex, or occasionally sex -- but once in a while, I deviate from my deviance to delve into something slightly less salacious. Today, my good readers, is one of those days. Donnie and Junior (my colleagues here at eSarcasm) placed some in...[Read more]

Walk This Way: Her Strut and Her Sexuality

Walk This Way: Her Strut and Her Sexuality

The way she walks can tell you a lot about the way she does certain other things. Dr. Smartass explains in this week’s reader Q&A.

The Best Way to Break Up

The Best Way to Break Up

Breaking up isn’t easy, but Dr. Smartass has some science-tested steps to make it sting a little less. (He told us they were science-tested, anyway — to be honest, we’re not fully convinced.)

Are You a Sexsomniac?

Are You a Sexsomniac?

If there’s one title worth listing on your resumé, “sexsomniac” might be it. Dr. Smartass looks into what’s arguably the oddest (and most unintentionally slutty) medical condition known to man.

Love Hurts: The World’s Worst Sex Injuries

Love Hurts: The World’s Worst Sex Injuries

Sometimes sex can go wrong. Horribly wrong. Dr. Smartass reveals the most common and curious sex injuries seen ’round the world.

The State of the American Schlong

The State of the American Schlong

How do men measure up across America? Dr. Smartass details a rare study that breaks down the average size of the prize from state to state.

How Bacon Can Save Your Love Life

How Bacon Can Save Your Love Life

When relationships get rocky, a little cured meat can go a long way. Dr. Smartass explains in this week’s reader Q&A.

When Naked Cell Phone Pics Come Back to Haunt You

When Naked Cell Phone Pics Come Back to Haunt You

So you “forgot” to delete those risqué cell phone pics of your ex, and now your new girlfriend’s found them. What do you do?

Microsoft Store