Windows 8 is here. Well, it was here for a while, then it left. But it promised to come right back in a year or so. Meanwhile, here are 10 amazingly splendiferous new features to look forward to.

Trash-compacting robot in “final stages” of interview process, sources say; could be named chief executive within days.

Call off your henchmen, Apple: Your lost iPhone 5 prototype is in safe hands. Also, if you could confirm this story, it’d really help me out of a bind.

The TechCrunch founder is leaving the ethics-challenged world of Web journalism for the morally flexible world of high-tech finance. Now who are we going to make fun of?

Wondering what HTC CEO Peter Chou, rapper Dr. Dre, and record exec Jimmy Iovine were thinking during their awkward photo shoot? Check out our exclusive analysis for the answer.

And you thought Google+ was picky about the name you use. G+ is planning to introduce a series of new rules to keep its users both well dressed and well behaved. Brace yourselves.

The iBiography of the century is still a year away, but they’re already mucking around with the iTitle. We’ve got a few magical life changing ideas about what it should be called. An eSarcasm exclusive.

A weathered piece of fencing materials says he’s tanned, rusted, and ready lead the GOP to victory in 2012. An eSarcasm exclusive.

Maker of miraculous, life-changing devices to release only two iPhones in September, marking a dramatic decrease in shipping volume. An eSarcasm exclusive.

eSarcasm has uncovered a series of Sarah Palin emails detailing how Senator John McCain chose her as his running mate. What we found there chilled us to the bone. Prepare yourselves for a shock.

You know that massive new headquarters Apple wants to build that looks just like a spaceship? It really is a spaceship. An eSarcasm exclusive.