Using neutrinos that travel faster than light, Facebook’s new Timeline interface will allow comments on status updates before they’ve actually appeared. An eSarcasm exclusive.

eSarcasm co-founder Dan Tynan did not actually resign. It was all an evil plot to get people to attend our annual conference — and it worked.

Former eSarcasm co-founder Dan Tynan is now advertising his services on Craigslist. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

Kutcher to replace founding site member following public meltdown; business to “resume as usual” as soon as possible.

Which would you rather have — a Paris lemon or a Madrid grapefruit? The eSarcasm staffing controversy continues.

The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches…and either must die at the hand of the other, for neither can live while the other survives.

Ask ev’ry person if he’s heard the story, and tell it strong and clear if he has not. That once there was a fleeting wisp of glory called Camelot….

Windows 8 is here. Well, it was here for a while, then it left. But it promised to come right back in a year or so. Meanwhile, here are 10 amazingly splendiferous new features to look forward to.

Trash-compacting robot in “final stages” of interview process, sources say; could be named chief executive within days.

Call off your henchmen, Apple: Your lost iPhone 5 prototype is in safe hands. Also, if you could confirm this story, it’d really help me out of a bind.

The TechCrunch founder is leaving the ethics-challenged world of Web journalism for the morally flexible world of high-tech finance. Now who are we going to make fun of?