Alternate Reality

These stories are not (entirely) true. They are, however, more accurate than most things on network television.

Breaking: Apple to Unveil Nothing of Importance

Breaking: Apple to Unveil Nothing of Importance

Sources reveal the company is completely tapped out of magical life-changing ideas, but is holding a Special Event today anyway because it craves the attention.

Apple is holding yet another Special Event today, but most observers don't expect it to be very special. In fact, eSarcasm has learned that the Cupertino consumer electronics giant, which prides itself on redefining life as we know it every six to twelve months, is not planning to introduce any new products today. However, as an inducement to get people to come, Apple will be handing out NetFlix gift certific...[Read more]

Notice: You Are Hereby Being Sued By Facebook

Notice: You Are Hereby Being Sued By Facebook

Facebook is suing everyone in sight, it seems — and you might be next. An eSarcasm exclusive.

Tiger Woods’ Divorce Finalized; Elin Gets Custody of Penis

Tiger Woods’ Divorce Finalized; Elin Gets Custody of Penis

In a surprise move, a divorce court has awarded primary custody of Tiger Woods’ personal putter to newly exed wife Elin Nordegren. An eSarcasm exclusive.

Rest in Peace: The World Wide Web, 1990 — 2010

Rest in Peace: The World Wide Web, 1990 — 2010

Yes, the Web is dead. Kaput. Finito. Sleepin’ wid the fishes. How we’re still managing to publish this, though, is a bit of a mystery.

Free Apple iPad Giveaways Cutting Into Sales, Apple Reports

Free Apple iPad Giveaways Cutting Into Sales, Apple Reports

eSarcasm is not the only site giving away a new Apple iPad — and that’s cutting into Apple’s bottom line.

Steve Jobs’ Ex-Girlfriend: Rumors of 7-Inch Device ‘Definitely Not True’

Steve Jobs’ Ex-Girlfriend: Rumors of 7-Inch Device ‘Definitely Not True’

Former girlfriend says rumors of Jobs having a 7-inch gizmo are false. “Four and a half, five inches, maybe,” she says. “But seven? No way.”

Top 10 Reasons HP’s Board Asked Mark Hurd to Resign

Top 10 Reasons HP’s Board Asked Mark Hurd to Resign

Yes, it’s true — the CEO of the world’s number one computer maker is stepping down due to a sex scandal. But it’s even worse than you think. An eSarcasm exclusive.

Apple Files Patent for the Filing of Patents

Apple Files Patent for the Filing of Patents

Apple has filed a patent for the act of filing patents, documents released by the United States Patent and Trademark Office reveal.

Steve Jobs Attacked by Giant Red Arrow

Steve Jobs Attacked by Giant Red Arrow

In a bizarre incident, an enormous red arrow appears to have attacked Apple’s CEO in broad daylight outside a San Francisco eatery. eSarcasm investigates.

Dr. Smartass to Become ‘American Idol’ Judge

Dr. Smartass to Become ‘American Idol’ Judge

Holy Brian Dunkleman, have we got some Idol news for you: Steven Tyler’s out, Dr. S is in. Get ready for a whole new kind of show, kiddos.







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