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Breaking: Google in Discussions to Acquire eSarcasm for $50 or More

The search giant is once again in talks to engulf and devour eSarcasm in a deal valued at nearly three figures, sources report. An eSarcasm exclusive.

By (@tynanwrites)

December 18, 2009

The story you're about to read is not (entirely) true. It is, however, more accurate than most things on network television.

google + boobs = esarcasmMultiple sources have confirmed that Google is in late-stage negotiations to acquire eSarcasm — the Internet’s #1 Geek Humor site* — for an asking price approaching three figures.

The privately held eSarcasm reported revenues for fiscal year 2009 of 37 cents and is expecting to bring in more than 100 cents in 2010.

The two companies nearly reached an agreement earlier this year. However, talks collapsed after eSarcasm co-co-founder JR Raphael nearly perished in a food poisoning incident at the Googleteria.

Sources close to the negotiations say the two parties are well past the term-sheet stage and there is an 84.62 percent chance the deal will go through.

marissa mayer blue top close up

According to those sources, the talks are currently snagged on a few niggling details. As part of the deal, the eSarcasm team is insisting on a three-way with smoking hot Google VP Marissa Mayer. Google has counter offered to arrange a nude foosball tournament with its PR team.

“We can neither confirm nor deny any acquisition talks,” eSarcasm co-founder Dan Tynan wrote in a post on the company’s blog. “We can also neither confirm nor deny that they promised us free Google T-shirts and 24/7 access to the Google Commissary.”

“Of course, if Google were to purchase us, we’d be extremely flattered and deeply aroused,” added co-co-founder JR Raphael. “But eSarcasm is not for sale. And if it were for sale, we’d certainly be holding out for more money and better looking business cards.”

In other news: Google is probably buying Yelp for like $500 million. Like anybody gives a rat’s ass.

* As calculated by CumScore, a Web tracking and analysis firm we just made up.

Boobular Google gal found at America’s Best.

Lovely Marissa photo found at IGN.






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Comments

  • http://empoprise-bi.blogspot.com/ John E. Bredehoft (Empoprises)

    Wait just a minute here! I think that this story is fake!

    Why have I reached this surprising conclusion? Because of the second paragraph:

    “The privately held eSarcasm reported revenues for fiscal year 2009 of 37 cents and is expecting to bring in more than 100 cents in 2010.”

    Since when has a major firm bought a company with a POSITIVE revenue figure? I mean, Twitter is valued in the kajillions and hasn't made a dime (at least domestically). FriendFeed was bought by Facebook, and FriendFeed wasn't even THINKING about a monetization plan (other than “get acquired”).

    The very fact that eSarcasm reported that someone clicked on an ad, thus producing positive revenue, indicates that no sane Silicon Valley company would even think of acquiring them.

    And you thought you fooled us…

    • http://esarcasm.com dantynan

      drat! foiled again. damn you, @empoprises. damn you to hell.

  • daveandthomas

    Let the bidding war begin.

    I have a half-eaten cheese sandwich and $6.37 [some Canadian $'s, mostly Monopoly money] to throw into the pot.

  • Lori the Martian

    Let's see, I have $1.00, several betamax cassettes and my 8-track collection.

    • http://esarcasm.com dantynan

      If you've got any Bay City Rollers or Starland Vocal Band in that collection, we may have a winner.

      • http://empoprise-bi.blogspot.com/ John E. Bredehoft (Empoprises)

        Dan, I just hope that Jim Cramer isn't eSarcasm's financial advisor for this transaction. And if your financial advisor says that he's “Billy Mays,” check him out a little more carefully.

  • boden

    ok that made me laugh.

    Y'all struck gold with the “smoking hot Google VP Marissa Mayer” comment. I saw her on charlie rose and was dumbstruck.

    on Wikipedia under Geek Goddess there is a picture of her. damm

  • boden

    ok that made me laugh.

    Y'all struck gold with the “smoking hot Google VP Marissa Mayer” comment. I saw her on charlie rose and was dumbstruck.

    on Wikipedia under Geek Goddess there is a picture of her. damm