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The Dirty Dozen: 12 Preposterous Product Names

Care for a Portable Penetrator, or perhaps some Jussipussi with a scoop of CreaMass? Yeah…we couldn’t make this shit up if we tried.

By (@JRRaphael)

December 17, 2009

Honey, could you grab my Portable Penetrator, then come munch on my Jussipussi for a while? You can finish with the Squeez N Caulk later; the Hand Job gloves will wait. I have some Vergina in here.

The preceding paragraph, believe it or not, was not at all dirty — at least, not by design. You see, we tracked down 12 of the funniest (nonsexual) product names we could find. They’re all legit, and they’re all hilarious.

And these are just the start: When you’re finished here, click over to “20 Funny (and Unfortunate) Company Names.” There, you can check out the Beaver Cleaners, the Young Dong Restaurant, and 18 other unintentionally amusing gems.

The 12 Funniest Product Names

Click on any thumbnail to view the full image.

1. The Portable Penetrator

I always carry one in my pants.

Funny Product Names: Portable Penetrator

2. Vergina Beer

It’s slightly bitter at first, but you get used to the taste.

Funny Product Names: Vergina Beer

3. Cock-Flavored Soup

High in sodium, but only five calories per teaspoon.

Funny Product Names: Cock-Flavored Soup Mix

4. Cock Fish Sauce

Goes great with the soup!

Funny Product Names: Cock Fish Sauce

5. CreaMass

Is it wrong to point out that guys frequently enjoy this in gym locker rooms?

Funny Product Names: CreaMass

6. Wack Off!

Careful; the spray can shoot pretty far.

Funny Product Names: Wack Off Insect Repellent

7. Jussipussi

Jussipussi…always finger-lickin’ good.

Funny Product Names: Jussipussi

8. Megapussi

Hey, sometimes Jussi alone isn’t enough.

Funny Product Names: Megapussi

9. Golden Gaytime

You just know there’s going to be a cream-filled center at the end.

Funny Product Names: Golden Gaytime

10. Squeez N Caulk

Try it by yourself or with a friend!

Funny Product Names: Squeez N Caulk

11. Hand Job gloves

For use with the Squeez N Caulk, of course.

Funny Product Names: Hand Job Gloves

12. Baldanis

Described as being “dry and rough to the taste.” Yeah, that seems about right.

Funny Product Names: Baldanis

Ready for more ridiculous name entertainment? Up next is “20 Funny (and Unfortunate) Company Names”, and then “What the Frak: When Acronyms Attack.”

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