Alternate Reality

eSarcasm Sues SarcPad Thief in Federal Court

eSarcasm LLC files suit against former business partner Julio Ramirez, alleging theft of intellectual property and violations of the Mann Act. An eSarcasm exclusive.

By (@tynanwrites)

December 11, 2009

The story you're about to read is not (entirely) true. It is, however, more accurate than most things on network television.

sarcpad-deadWe never thought it would end up like this. When we embarked on the journey of making an even deader simpler Web tablet for less than the $200 CrunchPad, we didn’t plan on ending up in court.

But now that Julio, our erstwhile product developer and gardener, has stolen our device from us, we’re afraid we had no choice. So, like our mentor and friend Michael Arrington, we’ve filed a suit in Federal court alleging Fraud and Deceit, Misappropriation of Business Ideas, Breach of Fiduciary Duty, Unfair Competitition and Violations of the Mann Act.

We believe the lawsuit speaks for itself. Which is a good thing, because our attorney can barely speak a word of English. (Do they really hand out law degrees in Esperanto?) But here are some additional thoughts.

1. Throughout this entire process we’ve shown we’ve got nothing to hide. JR’s photostream on Flickr certainly proves that (though a little body makeup for those unslightly moles might be a good idea, JR).

2. Shortly after we threatened him with pruning shears, Julio erased his blog. It was written in Spanish, and we have no idea what it said, but we’re sure it contradicted the claims he is now making (also in Spanish). The press has totally given him a pass on this, save for a story in El Diaro, but we’re not sure what that said either.

bruce lee thumb

III. When Julio told us one of his main shareholders was Bruce Lee, we were thrilled — Enter the Dragon is one of our favorite films. How were we supposed to know the man had been dead for 36 years? This is misrepresentation at its worst.

IV. We have always had strong financing available for when we were ready to ramp up production. JR alone was on the verge of receiving a wire transfer of $35 million from Mr. Ngouri Mimbunto, former finance minister for the Republic of Namibia. And DT was willing to cash in hundreds of dollars’ worth of CoolSavings coupons.

sarcpad play doh 1

B. A few people have suggested that we can’t own any IP in the SarcPad because we are just a blog. Others have suggested we don’t even know what ‘IP’ stands for. That’s not correct. The entire blueprint for the SarcPad was created by us using a Spirograph, and we built a working prototype out of Play-Doh.

x. Julio had his entire development team living in our garage, including his mother in law and 27 cousins. We can’t tell you how many times we had to lie to the INS on his behalf. Why would we have his entire family smuggled over the border in a pinata unless this was a joint project?

iii. Julio is not a good guy. In fact, we’re not even sure his real name is Julio — or that he’s even a guy. After he cleared his stuff out of the tool shed we found dog-eared copies of Trannies With Grannies and things too sick for even our perverted tastes.

A copy of the complaint is posted below.

sarcpad complaint small

Play-doh display courtesy of Hasbro.


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