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AT&T Vying For ‘Worst Company Ever’ Award

An AT&T executive says the company has been quietly competing for a prestigious “Worst Company Ever” distinction. Ah, yes…suddenly, it all makes sense.

By (@JRRaphael)

December 10, 2009

The story you're about to read is not (entirely) true. It is, however, more accurate than most things on network television.

AT&T Worst Company EverAT&T’s focus on alienating all of its customers may seem counterintuitive, but an executive now says there’s a reason behind the madness. The carrier, it appears, is working toward an international honor of “Worst Company Ever.”

AT&T is one of three finalists for the distinction, the exec reveals, and is consequently upping its efforts during these final weeks of competition.

Those efforts are tough to miss. Most recently, the carrier’s wireless CEO patronized legions of iPhone users by saying they needed to be educated about what a megabyte really means. It was part of a broader speech that also hinted at future plans for mobile data control, including customer “incentives” and eventual “pricing schemes” to help discourage heavy usage among those with unlimited data plans.

“Clearly, 99 percent of all iPhone users already hate us,” AT&T Director of Distinctions Dick Facé explains. “Our wireless CEO wouldn’t add to the growing sense of disdain without good reason.”

Indeed, that sense of disdain has been building for some time. AT&T recently received the worst customer satisfaction scores in every possible measure by Consumer Reports. (Those rankings, Facé says, gave the company a “significant boost” in the semifinal rounds of the competition.) Its subpar data network, piss-poor voice performance, and turtle-like speed at unveiling basic features like iPhone MMS and tethering support have long irritated its customers.

If all of that isn’t enough, AT&T’s also toying with data caps for broadband subscribers, providing increasingly crappy customer service, and making itself look like an ass with a public cryfest over its competitor’s (generally accurate) ads.

All of those actions, Facé assures, have been taken in the name of the global distinction. He hopes it will collectively be enough for AT&T to edge out the other top competitors — Comcast and GM — and take home the grand prize.

“Our company has been working diligently toward this award for years,” Facé says. “We’re not about to let those efforts go to waste.”

(AT&T Death Star image:

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