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My Fungus, My Penis, My Legacy

Every guy likes to think his manhood makes a lasting impression. Now, one man’s willy actually will live on in fame — and he has the fungus among us to thank.

By (@JRRaphael)

August 28, 2009

Phallus drewesiiPlenty of guys name their below-the-belt buddies. (I call mine “Oral” — after the televangelist, of course.) You’d be hard-pressed, however, to find real-world objects named after men’s members.

That’s why a California scientist’s new honor really measures up in our book. Put bluntly, Bob Drewes is the first man to officially have a fungus named for his penis. Who ever thought fungus and penis in the same sentence could be a good thing?

Drewes, who we can only assume is a fun guy, discovered the fungi while exploring an African nation known as São Tomé. It’s a tiny island, barely even noticeable on a map. But it’s not the size that counts — it’s how our pal used it.

While trudging through São Tomé’s deepest jungles, Drewes and his colleagues came across the never-before-documented mushroom. Exhibiting an admirable amount of junior high-level humor, the team decided to name it “Phallus drewesii” — “Drewes’ penis,” in Latin. Amazingly, the name stuck.

Before you conclude that our dear doc’s getting a jumbo-sized ego, consider the following: The Phallus drewesii, the scientists tell the San Jose Mercury News, is the second smallest of its genus (yes, that’s genus), measuring an underwhelming 2 inches in length. It does grow on wood — one grace-saving twist — but it tends to hang limply, send off a foul stench, and attract legions of flies. The Phallus drewesii, it seems, is not something you’d put in your mouth (sorry, doc).

Even so, Drewes is taking his nubbin-sized namesake in stride. He’ll proudly exhibit the freshly found fungus on the cover of Mycologia, the esteemed journal of all things fungi, then sit back and rejoice as future generations discuss his suggestively shaped ‘shroom. And that, my friends, is what we call erecting your own legacy.

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