The TechList: 5.Dec.2009
Tiger reveals his affairs, DARPA plans still up in the air
1. Tiger Woods. Now there are four mistresses? Guess he truly is king of the long ball.
2. Comcast. Snarfs up NBC. Will remake “The Office” to reflect own internal management style. Regular viewers unlikely to notice changes.
3. Microsoft. Black screen of death not really that black after all. Kind of like Tiger Woods but without the skanky ho’s.
4. CrunchPad. Arrington’s “dead simple web tablet” now simply dead. We’ll send Mikey a sympathy card just as soon as we stop snickering.
5. PETA. Nothing says be kind to animals more than a naked babe clutching an enormous crucifix. We’re running right out and hugging a manatee.
6. Apple. Buys cloud music service Lala. Because, as a matter of fact, they do own all music on the Internet, thanks for asking.
7. Michael Jackson. Most popular search term of 2009 on Google, Yahoo, and Bing. See? Dying was a good career move.
8. Matt White. 22-yo accidentally downloads kiddie porn; faces 20 years in prison. If he only wore one glove & knew how to moonwalk he’d get off easier.
9. DARPA. Measuring viral nature of info using 10 red balloons. Wonder how many nitrous balloons they consumed to come up with that idea.
10. Google News. Search glitch adds Tiger Woods’ byline to dozens of stories. What, is he fucking them too?
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