So Long, Sexting: 15 Trendy New Tech Terms

If you’re still talking about sexting, you’re, like, so behind the times.

Sure, sexting was all the rage in 2009, inspiring panic-inducing media reports and leading to millions of voided cell phone warranties. (Sorry, Charlie — liquid damage isn’t covered.) But 2010 promises to bring about a fresh batch of tech-inspired terms, sending sexting straight to the obsolete tech graveyard.

Lucky for you, we here at eSarcasm are ahead of the curve when it comes to these things. We’ve assembled a list of 15 modern mashups you’re sure to hear soon. And, for the record, at least three of these occurred during the writing of this story.

1. Pee-mailing

Sending e-mails or text messages while in the can. You know who you are (and — believe us — everyone else does, too).

2. DiggNifying

Trying to sell your boss on how you’re actually working when you’re spending 8 hours a day on Digg.

3. Faux Calling

Pretending to listen to someone on the phone while secretly reading your e-mail. It’s not as subtle as you think.

4. bOgling

Playing interactive Boggle on your smartphone while actively ogling a passing babe. Also not so subtle.

5. Blahging

Writing a blog while regurgitating last night’s burrito.

6. Bluetools

People who leave Bluetooth earpieces on their ears for long periods of time, even when they’re not actively using them.

7. iPhoneys

People who act like they own an iPhone when they really use a Windows Mobile device.

8. Safe-Sexting

Dirty texting without the dirtiness (e.g. “I’d like to remove your sweater and gently embrace you”).

9. Smerking Off

Sending text messages with one hand while jerking off with the other.

10. Spacebooking

Spacing out while updating your Facebook profile and accidentally posting something highly embarrassing (like pictures of yourself smerking off).

11. Twiddling

Using Twitter while diddling a coworker.

12. Twistering

Using Twitter while playing Twister.

13. TwistedSistering

Using Twitter while listening to Twisted Sister.

14. Tescallatio

Texting someone while receiving fellatio on an escalator.

15. cRINGing

Cringing when someone’s phone rings at an inopportune time and they answer it anyway. Most frequently observed during movies, Broadway shows, and tescallatio.

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