The 10 Commandments of the Internet
Thou shall follow these crucial commandments, or thou shall be smiteth. Consider thyself warned.
You silly, silly sinner. You’re probably violating the very commandments of the Internet and not even realizing it.
Maybe we should back up for a moment and explain: A bunch of geeks got together last week for a UN-backed Internet Governance Forum in Egypt. The men and women, according to the crew at Ars Technica, decided it was high time for the world to start obeying some commandments governing online behavior.
Oh yeah: This meeting happened to take place just a couple of miles from Mount Sinai. What are the freakin’ odds?
The IGF tossed around some suggestions for the Internet’s 10 Commandments — things like freedom of expression and global accessibility. And we’ll be damned if we don’t agree with those concepts. But for us, there are more pressing issues that need to be addressed first.
Behold, then, eSarcasm’s 10 Commandments of the Internet. We’d put them on a tablet, but that blasted Apple Jesus Reader still hasn’t come out.
The 10 Commandments of the Internet
1. Thou shall have no other gods before Steve Jobs.
2. Thou shall not make yourself an idol (unless you’re Michael Arrington, in which case we know we can’t stop you).
3. Thou shalt not post a hot bikini pic as thy’s Facebook profile picture when thou art a 400-pound slob.
4. Thou shalt not call thyself a “social media guru” whilst thou still worketh at Starbucks.
5. Thou shall not put acronyms such as “lol” at the end of every sentence. Why? Because it’s a commandment, that’s why. lol.
6. Thou shall not use the Internet to share piles of vomit-inducing inspirational quotes, unless thou wants to be a total Twitter tool.
7. Thou shalt not use the acronym RTFM in reference to any products made by Microsoft; the fucking manual maketh no sense.
8. Thou shall not useth Internet Explorer 6, lest thou become the target of vicious (and perfectly warranted) hate campaigns.
9. Thou shalt not announce a “super cheap Web tablet” when thou havest no intention to deliver it.
10. Thou shall not create lists of Internet commandments for others to follow.
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