Rants In Our Pants

Want to Be Miss Universe? Better Have a Sex Tape

Another pair of beauty pageant queens — Anya Ayoung-Chee and Hiroko Mima — are in the middle of an online sex tape scandal. Is this a great Internet, or what?

By (@tynanwrites)

November 18, 2009

miss-japan-miss-trinidadWe’ve finally figured out why Tim Berners Lee invented the Internet. It wasn’t to share vital scientific research or enable people to communicate seamlessly across the globe.

He invented it so ex-pageant queens could show their hootchies to the world. And God love him for it.

Last week, we learned that ex-Miss California Universe Carrie Prejean has an extensive underage video collection that rivals Traci Lords’. (Sadly, those videos have yet to surface online, but we’re still clinging to the audacity of hope.)

This week’s example has a more international flavor. Per The Daily Telegraph:

Hiroko Mima, who was crowned Miss Universe Japan 2008, and Anya Ayoung-Chee, who was crowned Miss Universe 2008 of Trinidad and Tobago 2008, are in the middle of the scandal after an intimate video tape leaked allegedly showing them together having sex with Anya’s boyfriend and with each other.

We’ve seen the videos. We think you can safely erase the word “allegedly” from that last sentence.

The scandal has been called “a huge embarrassment to the Miss Universe franchise.” As we said, we’ve seen the videos. We have two responses:

  1. We wouldn’t exactly call it “huge.” More like a “slightly larger than average” embarrassment.
  2. This franchise is owned by Donald Trump. How much more embarrassing can it get?

We’re predicting that before long a sex tape may be a mandatory requirement for entry into the pageant. We’re guessing that polishing Donald’s knob already is.
wyatt gallery pasty white mofo-200

The bigger question surrounds the guy in the video, Wyatt Gallery, who apparently entered the pussy lottery and won, big time. He’s doing most of the camera work for the exceedingly talented Miss Universe Trinidad & Tobago and a Japanese ass-queen who may or may not be Hiroko Mima. (According to the aptly named site JapanProbe, the woman in the vids is not actually Hiroko. From that camera angle, it’s kind of hard to tell.)

And the question that arises is: How did this pasty white motherfucker get so lucky?

Amazingly, Gallery claims he is the victim here. (We’ll wait for you to stop guffawing before we continue.) He claims the video was stolen from his laptop by “a support technician” and distributed without his consent.

So you videotape yourself nailing two of the hottest women on the planet and you don’t want that to get out. As if.

Gallery’s “hot sex talk” adds an unexpectedly amusing element to the videos:

“You like the video gamer, huh?”

We had to watch that clip several times just to confirm he really said that.

“I’m watching her eat your pussy, licking it off with her black Jamaican lips.”

At least he got the hemisphere right. Jamaica is more than 1100 miles from Trinidad. Dude, buy an atlas.

Gallery is a fine arts photographer who really should stay on the other side of the lens at all times. Anya, though, is a real talent (two words: Reverse Cowgirl). She is going places, if nowhere other than down.

The accurately named Totally NSFW has the goods. Beware of sleazy ads and severe lag. You can also find smaller QuickTime versions here.

Images: AkaLol, Hollywood Grind, Japan Probe

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