Beware of the Audio-Recording Pillow
A high-tech pillow picks up your bedroom banter, then translates it into text. While the idea may seem intriguing at first, we fear it could be detrimental to men everywhere.
Forget that hidden Webcam — now, you can quietly record your bedroom activities right from your own pillow. Before you get too excited, though, let us explain why the so-called “Sleep Microphone” could jeopardize any sexual self-esteem you may still possess.
The Dangers of the Sleep Microphone
The Sleep Microphone pillow, showcased at a design festival in Scotland this week, wasn’t actually designed with salacious interests in mind: It’s meant to let you speak your worries aloud when you can’t sleep, then review them the following day. Its speech recognition software takes your talk and turns it into a printed (and most likely unintelligible) record of your late-night ramblings.
Of course, our twisted minds instantly shifted to its other uses — which is the main reason why it ended up here. While we were initially excited about the prospect of having an audio record of our under-the-sheets action, we then realized that the speech recognition software could ultimately ruin the experience. The software, you see, could provide next-morning translations of muffled moans we’d be better off never seeing. For example:
• What we heard: “Mmm…the best.”
• What the software translated: “Give it a rest.”
• What we heard: “That was heavy.”
• What the software translated: “You’re done already?”
• What we heard: “You make me shiver.”
• What the software translated: “I’ve seen bigger.”
Yeah…we’ll stick with the Webcam. Some delusions are worth maintaining.
Keep up with JR Raphael on Twitter (@jr_raphael) or via jrstart.com.
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