The Ugly Statistics of Online Dating

Online dating is one ugly scene, according to new stats released by a Web site for beautiful people.

By (@JRRaphael)

November 11, 2009

Beautiful People, Ugly DatersIf you’re looking for an exotic beauty, you’d better not turn to Great Britain.

British guys and gals are among the ugliest in the world, according to a snobby elitist exclusive online dating site called The Brits aren’t alone, either: Most of the world is unacceptably unattractive. In fact, odds are you’re pretty hideous yourself — at least, if you believe what the gang at BeautifulPeople has to say. — not to be confused with its newly debuted counterpart, — claims to allow only attractive people into its ass-hunting paradise. You have to submit a photo of yourself before you can join. Existing members then vote on your hotness, and only those with high enough scores are allowed in the pearly gates. (Exceptions may be made for average-looking chicks willing to do anal or homely guys with extraordinary schlongs.)

So who’s hot and who’s not? The Internet’s self-appointed upper crust is giving us some new insights into its findings. According to a recent press release, Sweden, Brazil, and Norway have the highest number of acceptably beautiful members. The U.K., Germany, and Russia have the lowest. Their citizens are among an estimated 1.8 million people rejected from the site within the past two weeks.“ may be morally ugly to our critics, but our growing success is a very beautiful truth,” states the site’s founder, the rectangle-headed fellow pictured at right.

“Also, I paid upwards of 14 people to write that sentence for me,” he did not add.

The company’s managing director — the guy standing on the left in the photo — takes things a step further. Here’s an excerpt of his remarks:

“German men and women aren’t faring well, but they are submitting stern images — they need to soften up. The same is true of Russian men, although the fact remains that many are just extremely unattractive.

“I would say Britain is stumbling because they don’t spend as much time polishing up their appearance and they are letting themselves down on physical fitness. Next to Brazilian and Scandinavian beauties, British people just aren’t as toned or glamorous.”

America’s men, by the way, have a 24 percent rate of acceptance to When it comes to U.S. women, only 37 percent have been deemed hot enough for entry. (Either interpretation of that sentence, it would seem, is correct.)

Some other stats not mentioned in the release*:

  • Percentage of attractive women on who are actually overweight dudes: 74 percent
  • Percentage of those dudes who will be whacking off alone tonight: 100 percent
  • Percentage of members with IQs over 80: 12 percent
  • Percentage of founders and managing directors who are not pompous assbags: 0 percent

*These stats are nonscientific estimations and may or may not correlate with actual real-world data. We suspect, however, that they’re pretty damn accurate.

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