TechSex

The Ugly Statistics of Online Dating

Online dating is one ugly scene, according to new stats released by a Web site for beautiful people.

By (@jr_raphael)

November 11, 2009

Beautiful People, Ugly DatersIf you’re looking for an exotic beauty, you’d better not turn to Great Britain.

British guys and gals are among the ugliest in the world, according to a snobby elitist exclusive online dating site called BeautifulPeople.com. The Brits aren’t alone, either: Most of the world is unacceptably unattractive. In fact, odds are you’re pretty hideous yourself — at least, if you believe what the gang at BeautifulPeople has to say.

BeautifulPeople.com — not to be confused with its newly debuted counterpart, AbsoluteUggos.com — claims to allow only attractive people into its ass-hunting paradise. You have to submit a photo of yourself before you can join. Existing members then vote on your hotness, and only those with high enough scores are allowed in the pearly gates. (Exceptions may be made for average-looking chicks willing to do anal or homely guys with extraordinary schlongs.)

So who’s hot and who’s not? The Internet’s self-appointed upper crust is giving us some new insights into its findings. According to a recent BeautifulPeople.com press release, Sweden, Brazil, and Norway have the highest number of acceptably beautiful members. The U.K., Germany, and Russia have the lowest. Their citizens are among an estimated 1.8 million people rejected from the site within the past two weeks.

BeautifulPeople.com“BeautifulPeople.com may be morally ugly to our critics, but our growing success is a very beautiful truth,” states the site’s founder, the rectangle-headed fellow pictured at right.

“Also, I paid upwards of 14 people to write that sentence for me,” he did not add.

The company’s managing director — the guy standing on the left in the photo — takes things a step further. Here’s an excerpt of his remarks:

“German men and women aren’t faring well, but they are submitting stern images — they need to soften up. The same is true of Russian men, although the fact remains that many are just extremely unattractive.

“I would say Britain is stumbling because they don’t spend as much time polishing up their appearance and they are letting themselves down on physical fitness. Next to Brazilian and Scandinavian beauties, British people just aren’t as toned or glamorous.”

America’s men, by the way, have a 24 percent rate of acceptance to BeautifulPeople.com. When it comes to U.S. women, only 37 percent have been deemed hot enough for entry. (Either interpretation of that sentence, it would seem, is correct.)

Some other stats not mentioned in the release*:

  • Percentage of attractive women on BeautifulPeople.com who are actually overweight dudes: 74 percent
  • Percentage of those dudes who will be whacking off alone tonight: 100 percent
  • Percentage of BeautifulPeople.com members with IQs over 80: 12 percent
  • Percentage of BeautifulPeople.com founders and managing directors who are not pompous assbags: 0 percent

*These stats are nonscientific estimations and may or may not correlate with actual real-world data. We suspect, however, that they’re pretty damn accurate.






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Comments

  • alton

    This story = EPIC WIN

  • Jodie Summers

    lol – this is a funny article!
    As a member of BeautifulPeople.com though I must say, that this is by far the best dating site out there!
    It may not be politically correct – but damn it works. Let's face it, looks matter when you are searching for love.

    • http://esarcasm.com dantynan

      yes, but are you really beautiful, or are you just comment-spamming? yes, there's often a fine line between the two.

      tell you what. email us some semi-nude pix (hotties@esarcasm.com) and then we'll decide.

    • Erin_rooney2003

      i am too, thought it would be funny to join, but its a shit site, you have to pay for everything, and nobody talks to anyone. its total crap

  • Simon

    I love to read articles that are very interesting especially those topics that are about financial matters, business and stock market conditions. It is good to read those posts for they broaden our knowledge about different issue concerning the business world. Thanks a lot.

    Online Dating

    • http://esarcasm.com dantynan

      hey, we love to read comments that are completely generic and posted just for the sake of pushing some fifth-tier 'dating' service. we obviously have a lot in common. maybe we should go out sometime.

  • M. D

    I have to say as a member of BP, I have found some highly intelegent people on there. I am german, and most german chicks are just not good enough. I also live in the UK and the chicks there have no chance. Thats why my new girlfriend who I met on BP is norwegian, highly intelegent and more succesfull than most girls that I know. We both go to world class universties. I never thaught I would say this, but it works. I also have the feeling that the author of this article did not make it on BP.

    • http://esarcasm.com dantynan

      true. probably because he wasn't intelegent or successfull enough and didn't go to a world class universtie.

      then again, maybe they weed out people who can spell. just a thaught.

      dt

    • M.D. stduent

      highly intelegent eh?
      time to hire a spelling coach

      • Captain Obvious

        Hahahahahahaha haha!

  • proud member

    obviously the writer of this ¨article¨ applied and was rejected..or knows SHE,it has to be a SHE,knows shes not hot enough to make it to she bashes it..i am a Canadian who has lived in England and currently living in Sweden. I have been a member of BP for a year,have met a lot of nice people,smart people, there stats are a very good representation of the worlds beauty. Anyone that argues for a second against England and Germany being the ugliest obviously haven't been there. the same with Scandinavia being the the most beautiful. Come here is all i can say. BP is no different then any other dating site,looks are not everything,but that is where everyone starts,this just cuts out a step of sifting out fat and ugly people

    • http://www.esarcasm.com JR Raphael

      Say what you will, but the author of this story has dynamite areolas. Believe me, I've seen 'em.

  • proud member

    obviously the writer of this ¨article¨ applied and was rejected..or knows SHE,it has to be a SHE,knows shes not hot enough to make it to she bashes it..i am a Canadian who has lived in England and currently living in Sweden. I have been a member of BP for a year,have met a lot of nice people,smart people, there stats are a very good representation of the worlds beauty. Anyone that argues for a second against England and Germany being the ugliest obviously haven't been there. the same with Scandinavia being the the most beautiful. Come here is all i can say. BP is no different then any other dating site,looks are not everything,but that is where everyone starts,this just cuts out a step of sifting out fat and ugly people

  • http://www.esarcasm.com JR Raphael

    Say what you will, but the author of this story has dynamite areolas. Believe me, I've seen 'em.

  • M.D. stduent

    highly intelegent eh?
    time to hire a spelling coach

  • Nomad

    the u.s.a. has become over run infact delauged with big bell peper or worse patato nose people with fat nasty lips .
    the magazines are embracing this auwfull look.

    just say ugly face out loud to all those who have scank -dog faces ..

    the tatooed set are freaks of society and they are pushing there distored ideas on to every one ,,yes its true .
    soon the mogaloids will try tacking over .
    freak freedom for the bizaro world is comming .the freak flag will fly all day and night.
    deversity in the extream. they ,,yes those people , them , have over come ..solidary has won for them and this is the results.road warrior may b e come a reality ,,tatoos .. steriods ,,ufc ,,gangs and hommies all over the place..

  • http://www.1freepersonals.com onlinedatingservices1

    Online dating is stupid! everyone online is not who they say they are, why are people so desperate to meet someone that they would do something like this, I mean, online dating is like going into a busy highway with a sign of your measurements and hoping prince Charles wont run you over with his carriage Really, just look up WITH NO ONE TO PROTECT THEM at you tube, it talks about what i’m talking about

  • Deej19

    This article was obviously written by an unattractive person that was rejected from the site. Just because a person is attractive doesn’t mean they have a low IQ. standard ugly person defense. There are just as many stupid ugly people as there are attractive. Most likely more since ugly is a common trait. Don’t be mad just get a gym membership.

  • http://yangutu.com  Dating

    But after weeks of sifting through this single guy database, I’m beginning to realize that online dating is the equivalent of online shopping: seems much

  • The author is an idiot

    I hate articles like this. The author has committed a more repugnant form of discrimination than any dating site could ever do. Stop with the generalizations about a site that has nothing to do with your life.

    • Anonymous

      yeah, stop it JR. you’re making beautiful people mad at you. also, you’re discriminating against pompous assbags with rectangular heads. they have feelings too, ya know.

  • Jason

    I have met only intelligent people on Beautiful People. However, I think the straight and gay versions get very different groups. We gays make up only about 10% of the population of men, so I mean, we kind of have more of a reason to use an online dating site. And most of them, adam4adam and whatnot, only have intense creeps.

    The only “legitimate” (lol may I use “innovative”) feature on Beautiful People, amid all their misspellings and poor programming, is the Verification process, which rules. At least you know what you’re talking to if they have the Verification symbol.

    Anyway, though, the Beautiful People Gay site is legitimate and usable, although I doubt there will be many people accepted near you. It has plenty of cute gay guys who know Nina Simone and Anti-Oedipus and whatnot. But maybe the straight section is just more casual “whatevs I could go to any bar, not just a gaybar 150 miles away, in order to get tang tonight” etc. etc. You get my point, Im sure.

  • FashionBOY

    Some1 got rejected and unhappy abt it. Beautifulpeople.com is a legit website.