TechSex

Welcome to the Pecker Farm

Scientists have created the first fully functional artificially grown penises. No, we’re not just dicking around.

By (@tynanwrites)

November 10, 2009

penis mushroom farmEver had anyone say to you, “Dude, just grow a pair”? Well, soon you may be able to do just that.

Researchers at Wake Forest University’s Institute of Regenerative Medicine have achieved a scientific first by growing a fully functional penis in petrie dish. Yes, we did say ‘penis.’

Per Wired:

Leading the team was Anthony Atala, director of Wake Forest University’s Institute of Regenerative Medicine. Atala is best known for developing a technique in which cells are taken from an organ and sprayed onto a frame made of collagen, the primary structural protein in animal tissue. The structure is then bathed with growth-stimulating compounds and kept in an oven that duplicates the body’s temperature and chemical composition.

Who knew it could be so easy? Take some chicken wire, add spray on foam, pop it into a Suzy Homemaker Easy Bake Oven, and wham bam thank you m’am — Woodrow is in da house.

Before you go off half-cocked, remember that researchers have only achieved the dick-in-a-dish trick for rabbits. The good news? As ABC News’ appropriately named Maggie Fox notes, once the rabbits had  their lab-grown Johnsons in place they took to it like, well, bunnies.

The animals seemed to realize they had working organs again — the 12 with the grafts tried to mate with female rabbits within one minute of being put into cages with them, and four of the female rabbits became pregnant.

roger-rabbit-censored-penis

At this moment, millions of women are arriving at the same thought at exactly the same time: If science alone can unleash the beast, why do we need men?

Why, indeed.

Guys need not despair, however. Atala’s team has already implanted substitute bladders in seven human males, and he has bigger plans that may get a rise out of you.

“We have made clitoral tissue in the past,” Atala said. “We have extensive work going on with kidneys and livers.”

You say you can’t find her joystick without a map and a microscope? Tell her to grow a bigger one.

Meanwhile, the first piece of spam advertising a DIY pole-in-a-bowl kit will be arriving in your inbox in exactly…. damn, it’s already here.

Images: Smart Botanics, Buzzfeed Censorship Party






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Comments

  • http://empoprise-bi.blogspot.com/ John E. Bredehoft (Empoprises)

    The best part of the original article was a quote from Atala, “Further studies are required,” to which he added, “of course.”

    Spoken like a true scientist working on his funding request. Or, to put it another way, a scientist devoted to screwing his fellow scientists out of funding. Unless, of course, the scientific work arouses the funding community and causes them to…um…add available grant funds to the market.

  • http://empoprise-bi.blogspot.com/ John E. Bredehoft (Empoprises)

    The best part of the original article was a quote from Atala, “Further studies are required,” to which he added, “of course.”

    Spoken like a true scientist working on his funding request. Or, to put it another way, a scientist devoted to screwing his fellow scientists out of funding. Unless, of course, the scientific work arouses the funding community and causes them to…um…add available grant funds to the market.