Rants In Our Pants

12 Phrases Too Hot For Amazon’s PayPhrase

Amazon is now letting you set a custom “PayPhrase” to access your account — but if you want to use any of these 12 word combos, you’re going to be out of luck.

By (@JRRaphael)

October 29, 2009

Typing in your e-mail address and password is an awful lot of work — or so it would seem, anyway, based on Amazon’s newly launched PayPhrase payment system.

Amazon PayPhrase, announced Thursday, allows you to set a custom phrase that links directly to your account. That phrase, along with a four-digit PIN, lets you make immediate purchases without ever having to sign in.

Amazon PayPhrase

We did some digging, however, and discovered a dozen phrases that were listed as unavailable right at the program’s launch. Why are they unavailable? Who knows. But not to worry — we’ve got your back.

Our team of highly trained word association experts scoured Amazon’s database to find available alternatives to all 12 unavailable phrases. The pairs listed below are 100-percent accurate as of this publication — yes, we really did check — so if you see a phrase you like, you’d better head over to Amazon and snatch it up ASAP.

Unavailable: Big penis
Available: Pubic monster

Unavailable: Apple fan boy
Available: Windows fan boy

Amazon PayPhrase: Vigorous SuckUnavailable: Huge ballsac
Available: Huge Ballmer

Unavailable: Fantastic blowjob
Available: Vigorous suck

Unavailable: I love TechCrunch
Available: I love porn

Unavailable: Hot fuck
Available: Wet screw

Unavailable: Big boobies
Available: Large melons

Unavailable: I crank it constantly
Available: I whack off too much

Unavailable: Anal sex
Available: Butt sex

Unavailable: I love sluts
Available: I enjoy loose ladies

Unavailable: Amazon blows
Available: Amazon sucks

Unavailable: Give me handjobs
Available: Give me Steve Jobs

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