Alternate Reality

Metallica Sues Itself For Authorizing ‘Tap Tap’ Game

With no one else to blame, Metallica has decided to sue itself for allowing its songs to appear in a new iPhone application. “It’s not right,” says drummer Lars Ulrich.

By (@jr_raphael)

October 27, 2009

The story you're about to read is not (entirely) true. It is, however, more accurate than most things on network television.

Metallica Tap Tap RevengeAging metal band Metallica will sue itself for authorizing the use of its songs in a new iPhone-based video game, the group announced in a press conference on Tuesday.

Metallica revealed the debut of Tap Tap Revenge: Metallica just hours earlier at the start of the day. The game, now available in Apple’s App Store, features 10 classic Metallica songs, including “Enter Sandman,” “Sad But True,” and “Master of Puppets.” It costs only $4.99 to purchase — far less than the price of obtaining the songs themselves.

“Look, it’s not right for our music to be put out there for people to steal,” said Lars Ulrich, the band’s pint-sized drummer. “Someone has to pay for this.”

Ulrich is no stranger to annoying antics. He famously led the original war against filesharing, leading to the death of the original Napster. Ulrich pissed off the Internet once again last year when he and his bandmates reportedly went apeshit over some early reviews posted of their 2008 “Death Magnetic” album. Metallica’s self-directed lawsuit, analysts say, is the next logical step in its fan-irritating spiral.
Lars Ulrich
“From the antiquated attitudes to Ulrich’s increasingly oversized forehead, it’s quite clear that Metallica’s main goal is to be as obnoxious as humanly possible,” explains Bill Bailey, an industry expert.

Indeed, reports indicate Ulrich has attempted to sue himself and his bandmates several times before. In past instances, however, singer James Hetfield has managed to sit on him and growl until he agreed to calm down.

“Hetfield couldn’t get there in time this week, and the little guy just went wild,” Bailey says.

Along with the new lawsuit, Ulrich is expected to publicly express support for the AP’s content-tracking system, designed to stop blogs from excerpting its stories, and for continued tolerance of Internet Explorer 6, the browser practically everyone hates.






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Comments

  • http://empoprise-bi.blogspot.com/ John E. Bredehoft (Empoprises)

    Filesharing? Support for AP and IE6? That's child's play. If Lars REALLY wanted to be irritating, he'd marry Courtney Love, and then the two of them would move into a house with Harvey Levin…and share the antics on VH1.

  • http://rantspectacle.blogspot.com staceymccool

    Hah! Google has this on it's front page for entertainment news.

    • http://esarcasm.com dantynan

      we don't what you're smokin, stacey, but whatever it is we want some.

      • http://rantspectacle.blogspot.com staceymccool

        what do you mean? that's how i got to this page – followed a link from google. it says “satire” beside the article now but, this morning, in canada, it was linked as factual.

        • http://esarcasm.com dantynan

          well there's canada for ya. facts, satire… it's so hard to tell the difference.

          but welcome, canucks!

          dt

          • greg

            Here in the states, I can't tell if you are trying to be a douche or if it is happening on accident

          • http://twitter.com/jr_raphael JR Raphael

            Douche-related accidents can be quite painful, from what I hear. I hope that's not what it is.

          • http://esarcasm.com dantynan

            I am always exceedingly careful when I douche. that vinegar stings like a motherfucker.

  • greg

    Here in the states, I can't tell if you are trying to be a douche or if it is happening on accident

  • http://www.esarcasm.com JR Raphael

    Douche-related accidents can be quite painful, from what I hear. I hope that's not what it is.

  • http://esarcasm.com dantynan

    I am always exceedingly careful when I douche. that vinegar stings like a motherfucker.