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New Online Dating Service Offers Membership Only to Uggos

Screw If your goblin-like appearance frequently frightens small children, AbsoluteUggos may be the dating site for you.

By (@JRRaphael)

October 26, 2009

The story you're about to read is not (entirely) true. It is, however, more accurate than most things on network television.

AbsoluteUggosAs word spreads about a controversial dating site that allows only “beautiful people” to join, a new counterservice is launching next month to give everyone else a place to find love. is set to debut in mid-November. Its creators say all the recent coverage surrounding inspired them to take action.

“This site is everything that’s wrong with the world,” AbsoluteUggos proprietor Dee Formed explains. “Instead of simply scoffing at it, we decided to do something.”, profiled in several media outlets this week, prides itself on being an “exclusively beautiful community” for online dating. To join, you must submit a photo and allow current members to rate your attractiveness. Only about 20 percent of applicants are deemed good-looking enough for acceptance. will employ a similar but even more intricate membership approval process: The site will require all visitors to upload head shots in addition to a full-body nude photos. Its automated system will then scan the images as part of a preliminary screening procedure.

AbsoluteUggos: Accepted“We’ll be looking to weed out the basic signs of attractiveness — a reasonable amount of body hair, lack of prominent facial moles, breasts that don’t look like Bilbo Baggins’ ass,” Ms. Formed says. “We don’t want to subject our membership base to those sorts of nonrepulsive sights.”

Once passing the computerized inspection, prospective members’ photos will be posted for a member vote. Only those scoring a 1 or 2 (out of a 10-point attractiveness scale) will be accepted.

“Look, there are plenty of places for people with visually pleasing forms to find love. We want to provide a safe meeting ground for the world’s most hideous and homely to prey on others with equally low self-esteem,” Ms. Formed says.

Paris Hilton and Sarah Jessica Parker will represent the site in a series of ads set to launch next week.

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