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10 More Cartoon Endorsements We’d Like to See

Microsoft has enlisted the Family Guy crew to help flog Windows 7. But why stop there? Here are 10 more animated spokestoons tech companies should seriously consider.

By (@tynanwrites)

October 14, 2009

peter griffin windows 7 pitchmanIt seems Peter Griffin is a PC. Who knew?

The portly, obnoxious head of the Griffin clan on Fox’s “Family Guy” is replacing Jerry Seinfeld as Microsoft’s designated spokescelebrity. Today Microsoft announced that it would be sponsoring “Family Guy Presents: Seth & Alex’s Almost Live Comedy Show” by Family Guy creator Seth McFarlane.

Scheduled to air November 8th on the Fox Network, the 30-minute program will be commercial free – but peppered throughout with references to the yummy goodness of Windows 7. Per Microsoft spokesdroid Gayle Troberman:

“You’ll see us deeply integrated into the content … you’ll hear a lot about how Windows 7 can help you simplify your PC — it’s simple, fast and easy to use… Think about metaphors and examples we might use, talking about how simple things are. We’ll be evoking the cast of ‘Family Guy’ in some interesting ways that integrate the product messages.”

Like, for example, Peter using his Windows 7 netbook as a suppository. The possibilities are endless.

Still you have to hand it to Microsoft for snagging a fatter, louder pitchman than Steve Ballmer. We think it’s a brilliant idea. In fact, we believe all high-tech companies should be represented by two-dimensional spokespeople.

Naturally, we have a few suggestions for the leading tech companies, whose executives we know read eSarcasm religiously. Feel free to use them, folks; we’ll take the usual finders fee (cash only, please).

oh my god they've killed kenny

AOL = Kenny McCormick

Because no matter how many times AOL appears to be dead, it’s always back in time for the next episode. FUCKING PHANTOM TEXT BECAUSE THE IMAGES AND SUBHEDS REFUSE TO LINE UP CORRECTLY

bugs bunny - whats up jobs

Apple = Bugs Bunny

As with the wascally wabbit, it’s hard to predict what Apple will do next – whether launching the next killer consumer device or capriciously removing apps from its iPhone store. And with all the troubles Snow Leopard’s been having lately, “Bugs” has never been more appropriate. FUCKING PHANTOM TEXT BECAUSE THE IMAGES AND SUBHEDS REFUSE TO LINE UP CORRECTLY

beavis & butthead dig Digg

Digg = Beavis and Butt-head

Frankly, we’re amazed they haven’t thought of this already. HERE IS EXTRA TEXT I NEED TO ADD TO PUSH THIS FUCKING ITEM DOWN BECAUSE THERE ARE FUCKING BUGS IN THIS FUCKING TEMPLATE.

scoobies in van

Facebook = The Scoobies

Freddie, Daphne, Velma, Shaggy, & Scoobie are the original social network. Those other people pretending to be your friends? Rut-ro! They’re really bad guys wearing masks. FUCKING PHANTOM TEXT BECAUSE THE IMAGES AND SUBHEDS REFUSE TO LINE UP CORRECTLY

mr peabody 1

Google = Mr. Peabody

Nobody takes you back in time like Google; even the Net’s own Wayback Machine can’t compete. Later, when Google takes over the entire universe, we can take solace in the fact that, like Mr. Peabody, they’re much smarter than we are. FUCKING PHANTOM TEXT BECAUSE THE IMAGES AND SUBHEDS REFUSE TO LINE UP CORRECTLY

natasha fatale

MySpace = Natasha Fatale

This Bullwinkle badnik got her start in a strip joint in Vladivostok. A career filled with Russian cigarettes, cheap vodka, and unadultered evil make her the ideal face for MySpace. FUCKING PHANTOM TEXT BECAUSE THE IMAGES AND SUBHEDS REFUSE TO LINE UP CORRECTLY FUCKING PHANTOM TEXT BECAUSE THE IMAGES AND SUBHEDS REFUSE TO LINE UP CORRECTLY
have no fear, underdog is here

Palm = Underdog

“Have no fear, Palm OS is here.” Unfortunately, that line only works on Polly Purebread. FUCKING PHANTOM TEXT BECAUSE THE IMAGES AND SUBHEDS REFUSE TO LINE UP CORRECTLY FUCKING PHANTOM TEXT
cmdr mcarrington

TechCrunch = Commander McBragg

Minor character from the Bullwinkle stable is known for his pompous windbaggery and his tall tales. Nope, that doesn’t remind us of anyone. You? FUCKING PHANTOM TEXT BECAUSE THE IMAGES AND SUBHEDS REFUSE TO LINE UP CORRECTLY
tweetie the twitter bird

Twitter = Tweetie Bird

The obvious choice to replace Twitter’s blue bird of unhappiness. Added bonus: “I taught I taw a puddy cat” is more insightful and informative than 98 percent of tweets out there. FUCKING PHANTOM TEXT BECAUSE THE IMAGES AND SUBHEDS REFUSE TO LINE UP CORRECTLY
george of the yahoo jungle

Yahoo = George of the Jungle

Just when they seem to be getting back into the swing, they hit another tree.






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Comments

  • http://indevelopment hartford3

    At least they are replacing Seinfeld with someone funny.

    • PhantomText

      Yeah… but small children won’t be able to get an impression that Windows is the best (that might be good, might be bad) unless their parents allow them to watch it! And I mean, haven’t we all seen the little “not suitable for children under 14″ I mean where IS our future going? Maybe Wondows’ll make an exception to the required text pre-show. Oh who are we kidding? Only Google has the money to bribe them for that…

  • http://indevelopment hartford3

    At least they are replacing Seinfeld with someone funny.

  • PhantomText

    Did anybody else see the phantom text? If you can, tip your computer on it’s side or look at it sideways, tehre’s white text saying: FUCKING PHANTOM TEXT BECAUSE THE IMAGES AND SUBHEDS REFUSE TO LINE UP CORRECTLY
    IF you can see it, email me at lapointekids@hotmail.com
    Don’t judge me my dad made it ten years ago when I was ten, but I haven’t gotten around to making a new one.