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What the Frak: When Acronyms Attack

BLOWW? DILDO? ASSBAG? WTF? This is what happens when morons coin your acronyms. Here are 15 terse-yet-ridiculous names that really need to change.

By (@eSarcasm)

October 6, 2009

wisconsin tourism federation WTF?It’s not our alphabet any more.

As BoingBoing’s Mark Frauenfelder recently noted, the Internet claimed another victim when the Wisconsin Tourism Federation finally gave up its name and became the Tourism Federation of Wisconsin. Why? Because its cheese-loving members were tired of having to explain that WTF did not mean what everyone assumed it meant.

(Memo to Williamstown Theatre Festival and World Taekwondo Federation: Your days are numbered.)

WTF is only the tip of a very large, very cold iceberg. There are hordes of acronyms out there in serious need of a makeover — some because they’ve been subsumed by the texting masses, others because they’ve been adopted by brain-dead bureaucracies or conscripted into the military.

No matter the cause, it’s time to move on. We’ve identified 15 acronyms that need to be changed with all deliberate speed. (And yes, these are all real, thanks for asking.)

MILF: Moro Islamic Liberation Front
These Filipina hotties can liberate us any time. Rrrowl.

MANPADS: Man Portable Air Defense Systems
For those heavy flow days when wadded-up Kleenex just won’t cut it. Now… there’s ManPads.
ride the slut

SLUT: Seattle’s South Lake Union Trolley
Fittingly, you only have to spend a couple bucks to ride it all night long.

SLIIT: Sri Lanka Institute of Information Technology
If the SLUT could somehow take you to the SLIIT, it’d be a punchline made in heaven.

ROFL: Routing on Flat Labels
And when the ROFL exceeds its Maximum Allowable Outage (MAO), hilarity inevitably ensues.

DFAT: Australia’s Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade
Not to be confused with DTHIN, Australia’s Department of Terrible Handles and Idiotic Names.

DILDO: Direct Input Limited Duty Officer
Not surprisingly, this military official often looks and acts like a dick.

OMG: The Object Management Group
A geeky nonprofit consortium that’s inexplicably popular with 13-year-old girls.

ASWBL: Armed Services Whole Blood Processing Laboratory
Ass-wobble? We thought that was just what happens when Oprah does the Macarena.
boston league of women wrestlers

BLOWW: Boston League of Women Wrestlers
Now that we think about it, maybe they shouldn’t change this one.

RAPEX: European Union’s Rapid Alert System
Apparently, “MURDERX” was already taken.

CUNTF: Central Utah Narcotic Task Force
Because it’s easier to bust dealers when they’re paralyzed with laughter.

ASSBAG: Airframe Structure Support Boeing Advisory Group
Sometimes you’ve got more ass than you can hold. That’s why we always carry an AssBag.

BFF: British Farming Forum
Of course, when your best friend forever is a sheep, you’ve got bigger problems.

ENEMA: Eliminate Needless and Excess Material in Accountability
Kind of speaks for itself. We hope you packed your AssBag.

Images: BoingBoing, ChemaPunk, BLOWW






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Comments

  • http://healthvsmedicine.blogspot.com/ Cervantes

    American Symphony Orchestra League. (They could just as easily be the American League of Symphony Orchestras but noooooo.)

    Central American Civic Association. (You have to know a little bit of Spanish to get that one.

    • sammy_red

      that's french not spanish!

  • Eric

    what bunch of Statistical Heavy Ion Transfer

  • mnjim

    I always enjoy getting alma mater newsletters from Farmers' University of Central Kansas.

  • Charles

    New Zealand's airport security in Auckland at least is call the Aviation Security Service. Intelligently, the government shortens it to “AvSec” instead of the more obvious possibility…

  • Charles

    New Zealand's airport security in Auckland at least is call the Aviation Security Service. Intelligently, the government shortens it to “AvSec” instead of the more obvious possibility…

  • sammy_red

    that's french not spanish!

  • Brech

    Space Coast Area Transit…
    …It's been for years and I still don't think anyone gets it. Makes me laugh every time I see their commercial when home.

  • Bill

    Colleagues in Victoria, Australia, once developed a computer-based document tracking system, which they named “Computerized Land Information Titles Office Records Indexing System,” but it got caught before public release and changed to Automated Land Titles System. Alas. Later, the boss asked for ideas to rename our Computer Vision and Pattern Recognition Laboratory, and within an hour some people had developed realistic names that came to PERVERTS and CAPTAIN MARVEL.

  • Bill

    Colleagues in Victoria, Australia, once developed a computer-based document tracking system, which they named “Computerized Land Information Titles Office Records Indexing System,” but it got caught before public release and changed to Automated Land Titles System. Alas. Later, the boss asked for ideas to rename our Computer Vision and Pattern Recognition Laboratory, and within an hour some people had developed realistic names that came to PERVERTS and CAPTAIN MARVEL.