Dr. Smartass

‘Tis the Season For Finding Dates Online

If you’re looking to find a great date on the Net, now may be the prime time to strike. Dr. Smartass explains why in a special power-round edition of reader Q&A.

By (@doctorsmartass)

October 4, 2009

Got a question for Dr. Smartass? E-mail doc [at] esarcasm.com.

Dr. SmartassGreetings, greetings, good readers of the world wide Webbages! I’ve been taking your questions each week for a while now, giving you the answers you need while Dave and Junior — the two goofballs who run this site — dilly-dally around and do God-knows-what with the office copy machine. (All I know is that this time, those cheek prints were not mine.)

So, just to show them how a real professional gets a job done, I’m upping the ante. Yes, dear friends, your trusty virtual doc is digging deep into his inbox today to answer three of your burning questions. The one about a spouse’s unexplained burning sensation, however, will not be addressed here — I already told you, Mrs. S, I have no idea how I contracted those symptoms.

Dear Dr. Smartass,

With all the technology out there, there’s got to be a better way to find dates online. Any ideas?


Michael, great question, and great timing. Finding dates online should be easier than ever right now: The fruit is in its peak season from August through about December. The freshest dates have glossy skins and no crystallized sugar on their surfaces. Try online orchards like Hadley Orchards or Farmers Market Online for simple, one-click transactions.

Dear Dr. Smartass,

Throughout my childhood, my father’s typical response to my sarcastic comments was, “Nobody likes a smart ass.” How say you? Are smart asses truly unloved?


James, your father couldn’t have been more wrong — though, to be honest, I’m not sure why he was discussing this with you during your childhood years. Perhaps your precociously sarcastic comments made him feel you were mature enough to converse about such adult-oriented matters.Natalie Portman's Ass

In any case, the truth is that plenty of intelligent women have delectable derrieres that are adored by many. Take Miss Natalie Portman, for example — a sharp young actress who’s also an honors student and psychologist-in-training at Harvard. She is without a doubt smart, and it would be beyond erroneous to say her ass was unloved (just look at that photo!). Please advise your papa.

Dear Dr. Smartass,

I’m finding people just won’t listen to me online. I leave comments on all sorts of blogs and send in questions to all sorts of places. No matter what I say, though, everyone seems to ignore me or just blow me off. What gives? How can I get people to perk up and respond to me?


Adam, so sorry — we’ve run out of space for this week’s column. Thanks for writing in!

Until next time,

Dr. Smartass

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