Rants In Our Pants

10 More Tweets That Shouldn’t Have Been Sent

There’s no shortage of terrible tweets in the Twittersphere. These 10 make Tila Tequila look worthy of a Pulitzer Prize.

By (@JRRaphael)

September 18, 2009

Terrible TweetsTwitter, Twitter, Twitter. You’re an endless sea of entertainment — and by “sea of entertainment,” we mean “cesspool of crap (with the occasional sprinkling of interesting info).”

After we sifted through the good and the bad to find “7 Tweets That Should Have Never Been Sent” last week, you asked for more. And, being that no one has ever screamed “GIVE ME MORE!” to us in any circumstance before (hint hint, ladies), we felt oddly aroused and inclined to oblige.

Here, then, are 10 more tweets to make you titter. They’re all real updates sent in the past day, and — once again — they’re all fully deserving of the “really wish you hadn’t sent this” designation.

@xoxo_kati: going to the doctors to get this shit outta my mouthh!!!!

No matter how you spin this, Kati, it can’t be good. But best of luck to ya, turd-lips.

@LovingNiley: I changed my twitter name! Can you tell people to follow me?

Sure! Consider it at the top of our to-do list, right after reading the entire back catalogue of Oprah Magazine and counting the freckles on Carrot Top’s thighs.

@84kdoorsopening: FOLLOW ME ? because I’m CUTE =)

No thanks. But you might get in touch with LovingNiley. We hear he’s looking for new friends.

@eazyy_e: Foo why r u lifting at the gym with fuckin sunglasses on?! It aint sunny in here!

Good question. That’s almost as bad as someone working out while typing Twitter updates on their phone.

@AnthaBaby: Anyone else willing to share the name of their penis? Lol. This is interesting, actually.

I used to call mine “Oral” (after the televangelist, of course), but I’ve just officially renamed him AnthaBaby in your honor.

@fun2work4: I want to be famous. Help me be famous. I want to be on talk shows. Paris Hilton is famous for nothing. I want to be the guy who is famous.

Here’s a compromise: How about we help you become famous for being the guy who sends out asinine updates?

@mlewys: I don’t understand. I’m a co-worker. I should be excluded because I don’t have a cock?

Of course not. But you probably should be excluded because you send dumb shit like this on a public forum that your co-workers can read.

@spadoll: I wish I were able to meet people in person and talk as calmly as I do on Twitter…

Try opening with a line about how you don’t have a cock. That seems to grab people’s attention.

@MHeraldo: New job is keeping me so busy but it’s going well…and I’ve looked terrific this week too! Win/win!!!!

We were going to make some snarky remark about your egotistical attitude, but then we clicked on your photo and decided it was warranted. Instead, we’ll just quietly fantasize about what kind of “job” is keeping you so occupied.

@lizstrauss: If we sat down to talk, what would you most want to talk about?

How to ask non-clichéd questions.

(Image: RagamuffinSoul.com)

Get fresh geek humor delivered daily: RSS | E-Mail | Twitter