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The SexBox: 10 X-Rated Games We Want to See

A Silicon Valley company wants to create an adult gaming system called the SexBox. From “No Need For Speed” to “Panty Raider,” here are 10 X-rated games we hope it will offer.

By (@JRRaphael)

September 9, 2009

The Xbox may soon have an X-rated cousin.

A Silicon Valley company is trying to build an adult-oriented video game system called the SexBox, as evidenced by a trademark application uncovered over the weekend. The SexBox, reports indicate, would feature a custom console and series of interactive adult-only games.

We here at eSarcasm think this is a fantastic idea — so much so that we’ve decided to help the SexBox crew get things going. We’ve come up with 10 X-rated games for the sex-centric system. They’re all based on popular titles from the (nonpenetration-related) video gaming world, and we think they’re all pretty damned good.

Here’s hoping these come soon, so to speak, to a SexBox near you.

No Need For Speed1. No Need For Speed

In this game, going faster won’t get you a ribbon; it’ll get you an eye-roll and a half-hearted, “It’s okay, honey. Really.”

2. Panty Raider

Score with Lara Croft to score serious points. Be careful, though: She’s packing serious heat. And not the inviting kind.

3. Wii Fit: Booty Balance

“Lotus Focus” takes on a whole new meaning in this triple-X edition. Use the special booty balance board to master as many tantric challenges as you can without bruising your point total.

Ass-Man4. Ass-man

Chase the tail and see how many cheeks your little guy can gobble up! Available in both classic and “Ms. Ass-man” editions.

5. Dragon Balls

The first-ever virtual HJ challenge. Do you have what it takes to make the dragon balls erupt?

6. Final Fantasy: S&M Dungeon

Journey into an S&M dungeon where one wrong safe-word could make this fantasy your last.Megaman X

7. Mega Man 8″

A game in which every inch counts. Think your hardware will measure up?

8. Scribblenuts

Forget the pencil-based drawings in Scribblenauts — in the X-rated edition, the “writing” is done with a very special “instrument.”

Crash Bandicooch9. Crash Bandicooch

Rescue the lovely Tawna and you’ll soon be navigating her dark passages.

10. Wonky Dong

Donkey Kong’s got nothin’ on this all-night bedroom challenge with an extremely hard limp twist. Can you keep her happy when your dong gets wonky?

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