Rants In Our Pants

15 Stupid Things People Are Tweeting About Gmail’s Fail

What happens when everyone’s favorite free Web mail service goes down? How about worldwide panic? We listen in on the Twitter chatter.

By (@tynanwrites)

September 1, 2009

gmail-fail-whale-3-thumb-400x299-79651Gmail went down for just over an hour today. But to hear the Twitterati tell it, it was like they’d just learned that Bambi was dead, eating ice cream was punishable by death, and Miley Cyrus was no longer a virgin.

The wails of anguish came from around the globe in a dozen different languages, all united by the hash tags #gfail and #gmailfail. We listened in for a while until we couldn’t take it any more. Here’s what some of the more anguished had to say:

@jtowen Words and phrases like “apocalypse” and “digital terrorism” really did come to mind when I realized the #gfail.

We can only imagine what you’d be like if something really terrible happened, like your toast dropping on the floor butter side down.

@shortstack81 What if twitter gmail and facebook all failed at the same time?

You might actually have to leave the house. Don’t worry, the air actually won’t kill you, at least not right away.

@betobeto: EVERYBODY PANIC!!

Nice to see you’re taking this in stride, @beto. How’s the electroshock coming?

@ilamont: I’ve used Yahoo Mail for more than a decade. It may not be as cool as gmail, but I can’t remember last time it was down.

And rotary phones, goddamit. And them non-defrosting freezers you had to hack at with a butter knife to pry loose the frozen peas. God we miss those days.

@jelder: I miss running Postfix and Dovecot on a Pentium 4 with a T1.

We’re guessing you spend a lot of time hanging around the pickle barrel with @ilamont. Are we right?

@jamesdbr: I’m generally pretty useless anyway, but now I can blame it on #gfail. Huzzah!

No, James, we’re pretty sure it’s just you.

@edbrill: #gfail. Maybe it’s time to move my personal email to LotusLive.

Or VisiCalc Comatose.

@acmulcahy: gmail is down? im having an anxiety attack. i cant function without it. #gfail #gfail #gfail #gfail #gfail #gfail #gfail #gfail #gfail

OK, just calm down and breath. Here, bite down on this iPhone until the paramedics arrive.

@fdanbo: by the way, gmail being down is the only reason MC Hammer didn’t come visit our office.

And if we could just get Twitter to stop crashing, Beyonce would be straddling us right now.

@stevetilley: I guess when all your email is in the cloud, you gotta expect some rainy days

And Lord knows when the cold wind blows it will turn your head around. Everybody sing!

@noveldoctor Gmail is down. And you know what that means, don’t you? A baby boom in 9 months.

More power to ya, @noveldoc. Let us know if that line actually works.

@tsimer: No Gmail, Facebook is twitchy and Twitter is slow. My life may end just now…

Well, if you’re going to end it all, can we have your car?

@chancekear: With Gmail down I now have time to do more important things. Like earlier today I took a shower.

So what does it take to get you to shave — total Internet meltdown?

@gdocer: This whole #gmailfail thing seems more important than our countries entire economic and all around collapse… what a shame.

Not to mention Paula Abdul getting bumped off American Idol. Talk about tragedy!

@Beerandeye I am feelin’ your #gmailfail pain…I suggest we start drinking heavily.

Finally, a sensible response. Pour one for us too, @beer. We need it.

Image: Gmail Fail Whale courtesy of CraftyCrafty.

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