Alternate Reality

Researchers Forget to Eat During Multitasking Study

Researchers conducting a study on multitasking forgot to eat their lunch while analyzing data, officials at Stanford University admit.

By (@JRRaphael)

August 25, 2009

The story you're about to read is not (entirely) true. It is, however, more accurate than most things on network television.

Multitasking StudyA new study on the effectiveness of multitasking appears to have hit a snag. The study, published by Stanford University this week, originally discovered that people who multitask the most tend to be the worst at it.

“The huge finding is, the more media people use the worse they are at using any media. We were totally shocked,” a professor from Stanford’s communications department tells the Associated Press.

Now, however, some newly uncovered information is raising questions about the findings. The researchers who worked on the project, a Stanford representative says, forgot to eat their lunch for eight consecutive days while processing the data.

“This is a completely unexpected effect,” a representative from the Stanford research team says. “It may, however, explain why I’m starving.”

All seven members of the research team left their lunches — consisting of such items as bologna sandwiches, egg salad, and goulash — in the communications department refrigerator while working on the report. The occurrence happened time and time again, leading to what custodial engineers describe as a “nasty ol’ mess.”

“We’re really not certain how this happened,” the research representative admits.

Stanford plans to launch a secondary study to determine why the researchers were seemingly unable to remember to eat lunch while working on the multitasking study. Thus far, they say, an explanation escapes them.

“Quite simply, this is baffling,” the representative says. “By the way, would you mind scratching my toe while we talk? Every time I try to do it while conducting an interview, I end up stumbling and falling down.”

When asked for a comment on the new twists in multitasking research, Microsoft Windows locked up and required a hard restart.

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