Rants In Our Pants

The Twitter TV Show: 3 Unlikely Scenarios

Twitter’s bringing its 140-character formula to the small screen. We have a few ideas for how the show could shape up.

By (@JRRaphael)

May 25, 2009

Twitter TV Show

Twitter is coming soon to a television near you. The social networking service is developing an “unscripted series based on the site,” the Associated Press reports, putting contestants “on the trail of celebrities in an interactive, competitive format.” Hey, it can’t be any worse than the upcoming “Rock of Love 58” season that VH1 will inevitably force upon us.

The folks behind shows such as “The Biggest Loser” and “American Gladiators” are working on the mysterious new Twitter TV show, the AP says. Since their idea still seems rather vague, we thought we’d throw out a few other scenarios they could consider.

1. TwitterTV: The Ashton Experiment

Ashton KutcherTwitter tool-boy Ashton Kutcher did the unthinkable when he reached 1 million followers in April. Now, watch each week as Ashton tries to see just how uninteresting and mundane he can make his tweets — and still keep new people coming on-board!

In this no-holds-barred series, Ashton will take Twitter to the extreme, sending such snore-inducing updates as:

“I am so beyond excited for a three day weekend.”

“How many x’s do we say 2 ourselves ‘why did I do that?'”


“I feel like my lap top time is infringing on my hang out it the garage time.”

Can he pull it off? Will his follower count continue to grow, or will the legions of “aplusk” devotees finally begin striking themselves with blunt objects until death arrives? Tune in to find out!

[Disclaimer: This series may actually already be under development; the above tweets were actual updates taken from Kutcher’s recent stream.]

2. TwitterTV: Find the Real Social Media Expert

Social Media ExpertEvery fourth account on Twitter, it seems, belongs to a self-proclaimed “social media expert.” Now, TwitterTV is going where no network has gone by putting players in the middle of the bullshit-laden streams! Can an average tweeter sift through thousands of “social media strategy” updates to find the real expert among the imposters? How many auto-DMs will it take for the faux experts to be exposed?

The hidden surprise comes when the contestants learn that all of the self-proclaimed “experts” are actually unemployed salespeople. Wait to see how they react when the shocking twist is delivered!

3. TwitterTV: The Celebrity Tweet-Off

Joaquin PhoenixCelebs are taking to Twitter faster than Joaquin Phoenix is taking to hallucinogens — but, as we’ve all seen, many of them get on the bandwagon before they fully get what Twitter’s all about. Others understand the basics but lack the common sense or English language skills needed to effectively communicate with anyone over the age of 14 months. So which famous figure can succeed at looking like the biggest ass in the modern social media world?

Confirmed contenders include:


• Shaquille O’Neal (@THE_REAL_SHAQ): “vowls r tot2ly overr8td, yall btr no im guna win”

• John Mayer (@johncmayer): “I’m a total tool and not afraid to admit it. I even tweet about how I’m only tweeting because of a contractual obligation. Beat that, Winfrey!”

Other celebrities as-of-yet unconfirmed but rumored to be in negotiations include Bobcat Goldthwait (cannot be located), Kirk Cameron (has yet to come down from the pulpit to sign the paperwork), and Steve Jobs (has yet to acknowledge that Twitter exists).

Get fresh geek humor delivered daily: RSS | E-Mail | Twitter