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25 More Sexting Acronyms Parents Should Know

Your teens are doing the nasty on their cell phones and you don’t know even know it. God, you’re so lame. We can’t believe you’re their parents. You make us wish they’d never been born. OMG.

By (@eSarcasm)

August 2, 2009

Cell Phone SextingGod bless Fox News – or at least, the hard-working folks at its Atlanta Fox5 affiliate, who’ve scoured the Interwebs to find the 50 naughtiest text acronyms your kids are using to have sex with total strangers on their cell phones RIGHT NOW!

(Quick, run to them and hug them. Only your unconditional love and a really crappy data plan can save them. We’ll wait.)

Of course, what we really want to know is a) are girls actually texting things like “fuck me like the whore I am,” and b) where were those girls in high school when we really needed them?

But we digress. The problem with any list like this is that it’s just not comprehensive enough. There are in fact at least 25 other commonly used abbreviations that enable your teens to have 100 percent safe sex via their cells. And we can’t have that.

So while you’re pawing through their address books to see what pervs they were texting while you were passed out on the couch, keep the following acronyms in mind:

1. MPICIMFP my penis is caught in my flip phone
2. 397# I weigh 397 pounds
3. CMPNSOR check out my profile on the National Sex Offenders Registry
4. 3N I have a third nipple
5. Tubesteak tubesteak
6. IICDTINLH if I could do that I’d never leave the house
7. EP18M eligible for parole in 18 months
8. AFHT awaiting final hormone treatments
9. PD/G/TC parents drugged/gagged/tied up in closet
10. 666 I am satan’s spawn
11. NTAW/M I’ve never touched a woman/man
12. TCP3 I’ve been on To Catch a Predator three times
13. HSGC high school guidance counselor
14. AMAMCF ask me about my cheese fetish
15. SC still chafing
16. GERE I have a thing for gerbils
17. NEED8 If it’s not at least 8″, don’t bother texting me back
18. EAT-U I am a cannibal
19. PIB-STV phone in butt – set to vibrate
20. HPIMPNSIM I have a popsicle in my pants. No, seriously — it’s melting
21. HWHGFSL Hit wrong hole; girlfriend still limping
22. BALL911 Call 911, sliced balls badly while shaving
23. DANZA I just had sex with Tony Danza
24. BJ2NITE I find the study of early American history utterly fascinating, don’t you?
25. HWH? Herpes? What herpes?





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Comments

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  • SmarterThanYou

    At first I couldn't believe there were people who took these seriously. Then I remembered how stupid the human population is in general.

  • http://www.kingcashgold.com sell jewelry

    Sexting, or sending text messages or emails for the purposes of sexual arousal, is growing in popularity among teens and adults. Here are 12 ways to improve your sexting text messages and sexting emails. Just be careful if you are in a committed relationship.

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  • M8R-y18iql

    Link to Fox is dead. Here's a backup: http://www.pocketfives.com/f13/top-50-text-acro

  • shereejones

    u dnt need dat stafe wen iv gt a real 1

  • Badar_suma

    my girl always hot suck my dick then i suck pussy juice both naked onbed knows only SEX fucks and wondering in heaven

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  • Qwiprf

    this honestly has to be a joke

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  • Pingback: Sex Secrets » Blog Archive » 25 MORE Sexting Terms You Need to Know

  • Neverbehereagain

    YMITALN (Your mom…in the a$$ last night)

    And @ Qwiprf….*hands u a dunce cap*

    • him

      get in the gym and by the way i did yah mum last weekend

    • him

      get in the gym and by the way i did yah mum last weekend

  • Penis

    Oh and fyi i only say banana when i'm eating the fruit, or I see a yellow car….dont ask.

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  • Trinityhopko

    Wow that was stupid I’m a 10th grader who is sexualy active and none of those are ever used in any way what’s so ever. Some of them arnt even sexual. You guys are rediculous who did you hear those from your grandma dirty texting the 80 year old neighbor? Please if your even gonna do a report on it at least use something that us true.

    • http://www.esarcasm.com JR Raphael

      Well, then you obviously aren’t doing it right. All the cool kids are totally talking about tubesteaks, gerbils, and Tony Danza.

      • DaniGirl16

        I hope to god that was sarcasm. My parents saw this and had no clue what the fuck they were talking about. I’m almost 17 and haven’t heard any of these except for Q2C, and it’s not used often. These people have no clue what the fuck they are talking about.

        • http://www.esarcasm.com JR Raphael

          Sarcasm…on a web site called eSarcasm? Nah. You must be mistaken.

          • Naida

            wow seriously? This is funny! 2 seconds of reading and you know it’s a joke and funny…. go back to school and put away your cell phones kids, then maybe you’ll understand.

          • Nharzhool

            Trinityhopko wrote:

            “I’m a 10th grader who is sexualy active”

            Haha…you want an award?!?! Maybe you should spend more time learning how to spell than having sex.

            This article was an amazingly funny! Here in SA (That is South Africa for Fox! ), if we want to talk dirty; we actually use our mouths. :-P

            GDCIZ – (Got dick caught in Zipper!) haha

            I agree with Nadia: get rid of your phones, stop watching TV and get lives. :-)

      • DaniGirl16

        I hope to god that was sarcasm. My parents saw this and had no clue what the fuck they were talking about. I’m almost 17 and haven’t heard any of these except for Q2C, and it’s not used often. These people have no clue what the fuck they are talking about.

    • Gafck

      you are a dip sheit and a gay one there for you need to die good bye

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  • Taylorthehero

    Hey Fox, WTF means Welcome To Facebook ;)

  • sayyyyywahhhh

    i think they made half this crap up! lol who uses this? they like pulled this out of their ass, fersure

    • http://twitter.com/DaVince21 Vincent Beers

      “i think they made half this crap up!”

      All of it, actually.

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  • Yourmum

    Bahahahahahahahaha what a crock of shit the only one of those ive ever used is “nm u” and i sext alot

    • http://www.facebook.com/dan.tynan Dan Tynan

      oh mum, you naughty little minx. time to go back into the home now.

  • http://twitter.com/sextsessions Sext Sessions

    If you’ve used any of those acronyms, PLEASE submit your sexts at http://www.SextSessions.com !!!

    • http://esarcasm.com dantynan

      yes, please. because the texts on that site now are so incredibly lame they read like my parents wrote them — and I’m 137 years old.

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  • Brayden R

    This is hilarious and OMGIJSMSDYLYS
    (Oh my god i just shat my self do you licK your self)

  • SReav

    LO freaking L

  • Bryant isbsiter

    no one uses these anymore it was a fad

  • Nty

    im pretty sure that FB stands for facebook
    this is really just some bs (bs stands for bus sex)

  • suck my banana

    ya well ive heard almost all of these and btw i do have an 8″ so if anyone needs a fuck buddy i got a king bed so call me right now and u can suck MY banana oh i almost forgot when u GYPO do u want it IF/IB? just wondering :)

    • Nharzhool

      haha…hahahahahaha….hahaha…haha…ha

  • Jdogawsomeplayer1

    Why did you put this up because you know your just telling kids how to sext because there’s adult cartoons and your commercials just telling kids intact I had to take my daughters phone away

    • http://esarcasm.com dantynan

      hate to be the one to tell you this, but your daughter has already made plans to hook up with “suck my banana.”

      kids. they grow up so fast.

  • Ghfdrfg

    This is a load of shit, I/friends have never used any of those terms!

    • http://esarcasm.com dantynan

      except for “GHFDRFG,” an acronym so dirty even we’re embarrassed to use it.

    • http://esarcasm.com dantynan

      except for “GHFDRFG,” an acronym so dirty even we’re embarrassed to use it.

  • Nahh

    This is dumb. “normal” kids dont use acronyms for everything like that. We just talk normal. Although I have used the “MOS” one. Mom over shoulder. Yeah. But the rest are crap. You can’t stop kids from sexting unless you take their phone.

  • Syperium

    Yes because these exist.
    Ya right!

  • Nooo

    people shuldnt care wat other ppl are doing unless it has to do with them

    • Jewl92

      Yeah I hear u I never use any of this and I’m nineteen sexual active since I was 12

      • http://esarcasm.com dantynan

        and what did you say your address was again?

  • donald12

    Y the fuck do I want to know how much you weigh or that you have a third nipple LMAO

  • Theeka

    on the set

  • vallab

    This entire issue of looking at the Children sex as the ”SEX CRIME” is mainly to divert the public attention from the real and terrible crimes against children. According to UN World Poverty Statistics (among other things) 300million children go to bed hungry each day, around 25,000 children under the age of 5 tragically die every single day due to their grueling poverty yet those people who are highly vocal about the children sex, turn a blind eye and maintain total silence when these innocent young children being subjected to such an inhumane poverty conditions of extreme deprivation, torture and the social violence leading to their gruesome deaths. It is because none of their children ever have the chance or risk of being subjected to such abject poverty and its gruesome sufferings, misery, torments and the death . However in the name of welfare well being of the children they succeed in diverting the children’s real welfare, wellbeing issue into the children sex issue and indoctrinate the publish into believing that the children sex is the worst kind of violence abuse crime that can happen to children even when the children do it with themselves

    • Nharzhool

      As opposed to the general population of the United States of America who are leading their children into malnutrition and obesity? Get over the rest of the world and fix your own damn country. Did you even know that your ranking of world health went down from the 12th healthiest nation in the 90’s to the 37th in 2003 according to the World Helth Organisation? Things aren’t as bad here in Africa as you might think. Not worse than India or some parts of South America.

      Stop boring people with your “Save Africa” crap. Start a “Save the obese, ignorant, malnourished and generally idiotic General Populus of the US” campaign. They need it more.

      :-)

      PS: Go back to High School, your grammer and concord is appalling for somebody trying to utilise big words! (Coming from a 21 year-old from the 3rd-world South Africa.)

      • Nikleigh419

        I was just about to type the same response to that message!!! You saved me some time/effort!!! Thanks

      • Tripunia345

        I agree I mean some parts in Africa might me bad but it’s not just there and here in America the people end up looking like their COMPETING for “who can make the ground shake the most when they walk/who can sink the biggest hole in the ground”

      • Tripunia345

        I agree I mean some parts in Africa might me bad but it’s not just there and here in America the people end up looking like their COMPETING for “who can make the ground shake the most when they walk/who can sink the biggest hole in the ground”

  • Chancienergizer

    Really? where did u get THOSE from?! Half of those didn’t even make sense

    • http://esarcasm.com dantynan

      only half? we must be slipping.

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    I think that blow jobs are the most important thing when it comes to keeping a guy. seriously! ive just read jacks blowjob lessons (howtogiveablowjobtips dot net) and i my husband fell in love with me like that again

    • http://esarcasm.com dantynan

      we like the way you think, monica. the shameless attempt at comment spam/seo? not so much.

  • Troy123

    No one writes even HALF of this shit!!
    This is all lies just some sick, sick man used to misguide other actually CARING parents.

    • http://www.esarcasm.com JR Raphael

      Seriously — when I see the name eSarcasm, I expect factual and informative parenting advice. And “Geek Humor Gone Wild”? That’s practically like saying “Get Your Parenting Tips Here.”

      Reprehensible, I tell you. Reprehensible.

  • Annairb

    Hahahahaha I would have to say BJTONIGHT is my fav.
    – and people… No shit youve never used or seen them before, its a joke!
    but im going to start using thses now just to fuck with people hehehe

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  • http://www.possibilities-magazine.com Aliyyah

    Some are now urging for educational programs rather than criminal prosecution for sexting: http://www.possibilities-magazine.com/2011/04/sexting.html