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25 More Sexting Acronyms Parents Should Know

Your teens are doing the nasty on their cell phones and you don’t know even know it. God, you’re so lame. We can’t believe you’re their parents. You make us wish they’d never been born. OMG.

By (@eSarcasm)

August 2, 2009

Cell Phone SextingGod bless Fox News – or at least, the hard-working folks at its Atlanta Fox5 affiliate, who’ve scoured the Interwebs to find the 50 naughtiest text acronyms your kids are using to have sex with total strangers on their cell phones RIGHT NOW!

(Quick, run to them and hug them. Only your unconditional love and a really crappy data plan can save them. We’ll wait.)

Of course, what we really want to know is a) are girls actually texting things like “fuck me like the whore I am,” and b) where were those girls in high school when we really needed them?

But we digress. The problem with any list like this is that it’s just not comprehensive enough. There are in fact at least 25 other commonly used abbreviations that enable your teens to have 100 percent safe sex via their cells. And we can’t have that.

So while you’re pawing through their address books to see what pervs they were texting while you were passed out on the couch, keep the following acronyms in mind:

1. MPICIMFP my penis is caught in my flip phone
2. 397# I weigh 397 pounds
3. CMPNSOR check out my profile on the National Sex Offenders Registry
4. 3N I have a third nipple
5. Tubesteak tubesteak
6. IICDTINLH if I could do that I’d never leave the house
7. EP18M eligible for parole in 18 months
8. AFHT awaiting final hormone treatments
9. PD/G/TC parents drugged/gagged/tied up in closet
10. 666 I am satan’s spawn
11. NTAW/M I’ve never touched a woman/man
12. TCP3 I’ve been on To Catch a Predator three times
13. HSGC high school guidance counselor
14. AMAMCF ask me about my cheese fetish
15. SC still chafing
16. GERE I have a thing for gerbils
17. NEED8 If it’s not at least 8″, don’t bother texting me back
18. EAT-U I am a cannibal
19. PIB-STV phone in butt – set to vibrate
20. HPIMPNSIM I have a popsicle in my pants. No, seriously — it’s melting
21. HWHGFSL Hit wrong hole; girlfriend still limping
22. BALL911 Call 911, sliced balls badly while shaving
23. DANZA I just had sex with Tony Danza
24. BJ2NITE I find the study of early American history utterly fascinating, don’t you?
25. HWH? Herpes? What herpes?





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Comments

  • http://www.possibilities-magazine.com Aliyyah

    Some are now urging for educational programs rather than criminal prosecution for sexting: http://www.possibilities-magazine.com/2011/04/sexting.html

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  • Sextttttgirll

    I don’t use none of those…ahaa those r soo lame

  • http://sextingexamples.org Sexting

    Most of those propably do not get used to often:D
    still good to know them:P

  • Brookejanes

    hey can you have sex

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  • Po0kieb3arxo

    hahahahahh this is comical how thay think kids b talkin lik tha ,, i love female dominace & fuk me lik tha whore i am ahahahhah weeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak i aint said tha it b more lik swirl my tounge around tha tip LOL gud luck parents

  • Theobornes

    yeah well these make u look dumb and u ppk should STFU these are gay abbreviations

  • Antresia

    I find it funny that parents want to stop their kids from having phone sex. What do they think they’ll be doing if their parents succeed?

    • Margaret Cabral22

      having real sex

  • RICKYTICK

    KILL KILL KILL!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Lalaluvzya

    I’m a teen n trust mii no1 sayz dis things wen sexting

  • Selenaksalazar

    Uhm…im a teen..and i sext my bf And no onesays those things we say smd and like toungs verydeep or sumthin buti do say fuck buddie but thats to be stupid and random

    • Shywon

      Look up the definition of “Sarcasm”

      • SC

        That would require reading comprehension. And a good deal less douchebaggery on the poster’s part.
         
        Gawd, this thread is like a present-day Idiocracy. We are so entirely and completely fucked. Is it possible that some of these posts were rolled in here by dung beetles?

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  • miller john

    true or not true, sexting can and has lead to serious trouble for some. i think all phones should be taken away, well maybe not, but limit the usage to a designated phone list. i know that is possible, i would venture to say that sexting or cyberbullying would decrease by 80%. parents get a clue, dont give these idiot children a phone, and moreover dont give them a phone that you are not monitoring. 

    10th grader that is sexually active, you are an idiot pure and simple, and would like to see this same boast 10-15 from now.

  • Randome

    I’m a teen, and never heard most of these… Wow, whoever wrote this got played by their kid… smh

  • Julianneguiremand

    Hahaha nobody actually uses those that’s so funny!!! :)

  • Sexystripper

    I’m a teenager and no one says any of this we don’t use acronyms we just say it and if parents are in the room you just say it and delete the text…..this is the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen……hahahaha parents are too funny

  • Vivi

    *sigh* omq I sext/text ALOT and the only ones I’ve ever used are the parent warnings SGUSSFN (SO GET YOUR SH!T STRAIGHT FOX NEWS) DISPGDADEDD (damn I swear people get dumber and dumber every damn day) I swear I’m juss sitting here rotflmfao (rolling on the floor laughing my f*cling a$$ off) by the way I’m 15 and I rarely ever use acronyms because I c no point because my friends are dumba$$es and don’t know half of this stuff but thankS for the useless info

  • No

    Dis thing is fukin retarded WTF I dnt evn ust dis shit n ima teen

  • trololol

    I don’t know what you guys are talking about but I use these all the time….

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  • aidan

    FB= facebook dumbasses

  • Vngg

    Wtf, this makes no sence, i dont and everyone i know doesnt use those 9_9 adults r so naiev and think they know wat theyre saying

  • Anonymous

    saya hti

    • Anonymous

      saya tengah cari idea

      • http://www.jrstart.com JR Raphael

        No way! Me too. We should totally hang out sometime.

  • http://www.speed-sexting.com/ Sandy

    HWH? 
    NTAW/M! Lol ! 

  • Sexting

    My BF loooooves sexting

  • Gabbyclan

    i need somebody to fuck me my pussy wants some

  • www691

    bullshit mostly.  Like, teens are sexting, but most of these short forms are just BS (BullshitPr

    • http://www.jrstart.com JR Raphael

      Say it ain’t so! And here I thought eSarcasm.com was a legitimate source of news and sexual wellness information.

      My whole world has just been flipped upside down. Damn you, www691, damn you to hell.

      -Mr. Marbles

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  • Foyleman

    CSIJD

    cyber sex is just dumb

  • Georgia LovesSex

    FB? only kidding

  • CAROLINAMOLINA37

    ISH HMU OC#

    • Ahmadalosleb

      Sex

  • Princess_annie44

    sex sweet i love it its the best

  • blah

    Stupid.

  • Z_hancock

    I use all of those terms my parents still don’t know and never will

  • Z_hancock

    Sex rockss

  • Marcianooo

    WTF?! This cant be serious. No one uses these “acronyms” 

    • http://www.jrstart.com JR Raphael

      Something not serious? On a site called eSarcasm? Impossible!

  • Guest

    No one even uses these /:

  • Alicedi

    To give the discussion a more serious direction :-0, I advice using Qustodio from http://www.qustodio.com for parents who are concerned about their kids surfing the web for all the wrong reasons. Its free and offers a complete parental control solution. Based on content, it blocks sites automatically in real time, tracks data, and also monitors the activities kids engage in on social media sites. Kids can;t disable its features and that perhaps is the biggest advantage. 

    • http://www.jrstart.com JR Raphael

      Good thinking — because eSarcasm.com is definitely the place for a serious discussion.

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  • Bullshit

    ATAITWOIRIAWAIHDPEUTOMTROTOSSA. And this article is the worst one I’ve read in a while as I highly doubt people even use these, or maybe they’re relics of the old SMS stone age.

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  • Fernie

    Call me at 620 521 0460 if you get horny