25 More Sexting Acronyms Parents Should Know
Your teens are doing the nasty on their cell phones and you don’t know even know it. God, you’re so lame. We can’t believe you’re their parents. You make us wish they’d never been born. OMG.
God bless Fox News – or at least, the hard-working folks at its Atlanta Fox5 affiliate, who’ve scoured the Interwebs to find the 50 naughtiest text acronyms your kids are using to have sex with total strangers on their cell phones RIGHT NOW!
(Quick, run to them and hug them. Only your unconditional love and a really crappy data plan can save them. We’ll wait.)
Of course, what we really want to know is a) are girls actually texting things like “fuck me like the whore I am,” and b) where were those girls in high school when we really needed them?
But we digress. The problem with any list like this is that it’s just not comprehensive enough. There are in fact at least 25 other commonly used abbreviations that enable your teens to have 100 percent safe sex via their cells. And we can’t have that.
So while you’re pawing through their address books to see what pervs they were texting while you were passed out on the couch, keep the following acronyms in mind:
| 1. | MPICIMFP | my penis is caught in my flip phone |
| 2. | 397# | I weigh 397 pounds |
| 3. | CMPNSOR | check out my profile on the National Sex Offenders Registry |
| 4. | 3N | I have a third nipple |
| 5. | Tubesteak | tubesteak |
| 6. | IICDTINLH | if I could do that I’d never leave the house |
| 7. | EP18M | eligible for parole in 18 months |
| 8. | AFHT | awaiting final hormone treatments |
| 9. | PD/G/TC | parents drugged/gagged/tied up in closet |
| 10. | 666 | I am satan’s spawn |
| 11. | NTAW/M | I’ve never touched a woman/man |
| 12. | TCP3 | I’ve been on To Catch a Predator three times |
| 13. | HSGC | high school guidance counselor |
| 14. | AMAMCF | ask me about my cheese fetish |
| 15. | SC | still chafing |
| 16. | GERE | I have a thing for gerbils |
| 17. | NEED8 | If it’s not at least 8″, don’t bother texting me back |
| 18. | EAT-U | I am a cannibal |
| 19. | PIB-STV | phone in butt – set to vibrate |
| 20. | HPIMPNSIM | I have a popsicle in my pants. No, seriously — it’s melting |
| 21. | HWHGFSL | Hit wrong hole; girlfriend still limping |
| 22. | BALL911 | Call 911, sliced balls badly while shaving |
| 23. | DANZA | I just had sex with Tony Danza |
| 24. | BJ2NITE | I find the study of early American history utterly fascinating, don’t you? |
| 25. | HWH? | Herpes? What herpes? |
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