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25 More Sexting Acronyms Parents Should Know

Your teens are doing the nasty on their cell phones and you don’t know even know it. God, you’re so lame. We can’t believe you’re their parents. You make us wish they’d never been born. OMG.

By (@eSarcasm)

August 2, 2009

Cell Phone SextingGod bless Fox News – or at least, the hard-working folks at its Atlanta Fox5 affiliate, who’ve scoured the Interwebs to find the 50 naughtiest text acronyms your kids are using to have sex with total strangers on their cell phones RIGHT NOW!

(Quick, run to them and hug them. Only your unconditional love and a really crappy data plan can save them. We’ll wait.)

Of course, what we really want to know is a) are girls actually texting things like “fuck me like the whore I am,” and b) where were those girls in high school when we really needed them?

But we digress. The problem with any list like this is that it’s just not comprehensive enough. There are in fact at least 25 other commonly used abbreviations that enable your teens to have 100 percent safe sex via their cells. And we can’t have that.

So while you’re pawing through their address books to see what pervs they were texting while you were passed out on the couch, keep the following acronyms in mind:

1. MPICIMFP my penis is caught in my flip phone
2. 397# I weigh 397 pounds
3. CMPNSOR check out my profile on the National Sex Offenders Registry
4. 3N I have a third nipple
5. Tubesteak tubesteak
6. IICDTINLH if I could do that I’d never leave the house
7. EP18M eligible for parole in 18 months
8. AFHT awaiting final hormone treatments
9. PD/G/TC parents drugged/gagged/tied up in closet
10. 666 I am satan’s spawn
11. NTAW/M I’ve never touched a woman/man
12. TCP3 I’ve been on To Catch a Predator three times
13. HSGC high school guidance counselor
14. AMAMCF ask me about my cheese fetish
15. SC still chafing
16. GERE I have a thing for gerbils
17. NEED8 If it’s not at least 8″, don’t bother texting me back
18. EAT-U I am a cannibal
19. PIB-STV phone in butt – set to vibrate
20. HPIMPNSIM I have a popsicle in my pants. No, seriously — it’s melting
21. HWHGFSL Hit wrong hole; girlfriend still limping
22. BALL911 Call 911, sliced balls badly while shaving
23. DANZA I just had sex with Tony Danza
24. BJ2NITE I find the study of early American history utterly fascinating, don’t you?
25. HWH? Herpes? What herpes?

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