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Frak The Shack: 25 Better Ways to Rebrand RadioShack

RadioShack is attempting to reinvent itself by taking on a new name: “The Shack.” Come on, RS — you can do better than that. Here are 25 more appropriate alternatives.

By (@eSarcasm)

August 5, 2009

RadioShack RebrandingRadioShack wants to be your friend. So the 472-year-old electronics retailer announced this week it would take on a new name, “The Shack,” because “people trust friends, not corporations.” At least, that’s how Lee Applbaum, corporate tool for “The Shack,” explains it. (The middle “e” in Applbaum’s name, we assume, was removed during a previous rebranding.)

If you’re feeling an odd sense of déjà vu, don’t worry: You aren’t alone. Circuit City tried adopting “The City” a couple years back — an experiment that clearly ended well — and Pizza Hut recently fooled us all into believing it served healthy cuisine by becoming “The Hut.”

When “a brand becomes a friend,” sometimes the kindest thing is to tell him his breath could drop a buzzard at 100 yards and he’s not going to get laid in his lifetime unless he starts showering on a predictable basis. Well RadioShack, old friend, we’d like to tell you that your new name is a little lacking.

But not to fear; eSarcasm is here. We’ve come up with 25 far more suitable alternatives. So toss “The Shack” aside, RS, and get ready for your shiny new identity.

1. The Shaft

We’ll screw you hard, just like we always have.

2. Radio Snack

What other electronics store is five feet from Orange Julius?

3. Shoebox Full-o-Crap

Our new policy: total honesty.

4. rZIP

We’ve always wanted to know your ZIP code and phone number, even if you’re just buying batteries. Don’t ask why.

5. Telegraph Cottage

Embracing our antiquated nature.

6. The Yak

Now featuring 5-foot-by-5-foot petting zoos in all stores!

7. Wires-R-Us

Also plugs. And adapters. TVs & Xboxes? Not so much.

8. Shack Therapy

Because the drugs weren’t working.

9. Circuit Shitty

The best of RS and Circuit City. Also the worst.

10. Chili’s

No, we’re not the place with the baby back ribs. But if you think we are, maybe you’ll come in. (We will offer 2-for-1 fajitas on Wednesdays.)

11. RadioShak

There’s no “C,” you see? Are we clever or what?

12. Schackadelic

It’s groovy baby.

13. Batteries, Batteries, and More Batteries

Hey, it’s what we do best.

14. The Quack

If you’re absolutely nuts, you’ll love this place.

15. Shack Off

Because shopping at The Shack is something you don’t want friends to witness.

16. Radio Shat

Someone did, anyway. Could we get a courtesy flush?

17. Radio Active

We’ll make you sterile now. You’ll thank us later.

18. Radio Slut

Our staff will do anything — and we mean anything — to keep you satisfied.

19. Shack in the Box

Fast, hot, and tastes like dried-up dung. We also plan to employ an obnoxious spokesfigure with a ping pong ball for a head.

20. Smells Like Grandpa

Not pleasant, exactly, but accurate.

21. BB Junior

It’s like Best Buy, only smaller. Way smaller.

22. Rhymes With Crack

Going for the under-served homeboyz market.

23. The RadioHut

Two places with newly shortened names join forces. Buy your batteries, then grab a slice!

24. DandyTandies

Anyone wanna buy a used TRS-80?

25. I make $5.25 an Hour and Do Not Give a Flying Fuck

#1 choice of RS employees.






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Comments

  • spongebobmaine

    while you're on the subject of names – esarcasm is now plenty old enough to warrant a name change. Anything that begins with e-whatever is so early 2000.

    New brand: THE CASM

    (note: don't forget to tilt the word “casm” for eye-popping subtlety)

    • http://www.jrstart.com JR

      Funny you should bring that up: We actually have a trademark pending on THE 'GASM. Unfortunately, some porn company appears to own the domain name, so we may run into problems.

  • chris

    Please be funnier

    • http://www.jrstart.com JR

      Chris, we're so glad you could make it! We sent out invites to the Association of Douchebags Who Leave Annoying Anonymous Comments weeks ago and had assumed you guys weren't coming. Good to see you were able to stop by!

      • http://douchebagcentral.com/ A. Non.

        as acting president of the ADWLAAC, I take offense at your reply. “chris,” as he calls himself, is clearly no member of our group. WHERE ARE THE FULL CAPS? where's the excessive use of exclamation points?!!!!!!!!!!!

        also: I hate your shoes. please change them immediately.

        - A. Non

        “We are douchebags, hear us roar.” — Michael Arrington

  • chris

    Please be funnier

  • http://www.esarcasm.com JR Raphael

    Chris, we're so glad you could make it! We sent out invites to the Association of Douchebags Who Leave Annoying Anonymous Comments weeks ago and had assumed you guys weren't coming. Good to see you were able to stop by!

  • http://douchebagcentral.com/ A. Non.

    as acting president of the ADWLAAC, I take offense at your reply. “chris,” as he calls himself, is clearly no member of our group. WHERE ARE THE FULL CAPS? where's the excessive use of exclamation points?!!!!!!!!!!!

    also: I hate your shoes. please change them immediately.

    - A. Non

    “We are douchebags, hear us roar.” — Michael Arrington