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World’s Largest Telescope Causing Unexpected Arousal

Countless women are becoming inexplicably turned on by news of the world’s largest telescope, now set to be built in Hawaii.

By (@JRRaphael)

July 24, 2009

World's Largest TelescopeThe construction of the world’s largest telescope is eliciting unexpected arousal in women worldwide, leaving many in the scientific community baffled and searching for an explanation. Plans for the telescope were announced this week, with a board of astronomers deciding upon Hawaii as its location.

The soon-to-be-built superscope will stretch nearly 100 feet in diameter — a width “so large that it should be able to gather light that will have spent 13 billion years traveling to Earth,” USA Today reports.

“Oh my God,” gasped one woman upon reading the description. “I mean, the size itself doesn’t actually matter, of course — but, damn.”

Another woman, a blonde in her mid-20s, reacted similarly.

“Holy shit,” she exclaimed. “I’m sure the smaller ones work just as well — it’s really more about what you can do with it, after all — but when did you say this gigantic one would be ready?”

The world’s largest telescope will be as impressive for its girth as its length, designers say: Its mirror alone will reach 11.5 by 8 feet across, and its diameter will be three times larger than any existing model. According to its specifications, the scope will be able to “switch among … instruments rapidly and precisely” and maintain its “beam alignment … as [it] changes zenith angle.”

Anyone with knowledge of the telescope’s unusual arousal effect on women is asked to contact Dr. Stanley L. Dorkus at the Vermont Association of Gynecological Studies.

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