Rants In Our Pants

Five People You Really Don’t Want to See Naked and Yet Here They Are – Naked

Even worse, they’re all guys. Can we do SEO or what?

By (@tynanwrites)

July 26, 2013

Forget grumpy cats and lazy sloths. Sod Ryan Gosling and the Royal Baby. The latest Internet trend is middle-aged guys uploading photos of their junk. And while you don’t have to be running for office or a talking head for a right-wing news organization to join in on the fun, there’s something about the mix of extreme narcissism and digital cameras that creates a irresistibly heady cocktail, so to speak.

Like watching a train wreck, no matter how hard you try to shield your eyes you still can’t look away. Here, let us help you with that.

1. Weiner’s Weiner

Meet the most famous former member of Congress, and its owner, Carlos Dangler.

anthony weiner penis photo

Either that photo is heavily pixelated or Weiner should sue the rabbi who circumcised him.

Source: The Dirty (where else?)

2. Geraldo

The sexagenarian Fox News “reporter” blames too much tequila for inflicting this selfie upon an unsuspecting world.

esarc geraldo towel

No amount of Cuervo will enable us to erase this image from our minds. But we’re determined to try.

Source: Geraldo’s Twitter

3. Scobleizer

Again, really? As if Robert Scoble’s semi-nude shots for his book Naked Conversations hadn’t already caused enough mass vomiting, he decides to do it again, this time to show off Google Glass in the shower.

esarc scoble shower

Just thinking about Scoble’s pasty white gelatinous form makes us want to give up sex. And showers.

Source: Scobleizer’s Google Plus page

4. Adam Levine

The frontman for band Maroon 5 apparently loves to drop trou, thus explaining the title of the band’s 2012 release, Overexposed.

esarc adam levines pickle

Yeah, we know, Levine wants to show the world what a stand up guy he is. But Maroon 5? More like Maroon 4 ¾.

Source: Provocative Wave For Men (aka, Pickle-Shots-R-Us). You’ll just have to Google it. Sorry.

5. Homer Simpson

More sober than Geraldo, better hung than Weiner.

esarc homer + pickle

Just as a side note: You would not believe the amount and explictness of Simpsons porn on the InterWebs. Even we, jaded and depraved as we are, find ourselves rendered speechless. (Also: Marge’s tits? Totally fake.)

Source: Nick’s Male Art

Get fresh geek humor delivered daily: RSS | E-Mail | Twitter