Alternate Reality

Apple Sues Google For Stealing Stuff It Just Invented

Google stole tons of new features from iOS 7, Apple says, and put them into Android products three years ago. An eSarcasm exclusive.

By (@JRRaphael)

June 13, 2013

The story you're about to read is not (entirely) true. It is, however, more accurate than most things on network television.

Apple Sues GoogleApple has filed a retroactive lawsuit against Google for stealing a bunch of stuff it just invented with iOS 7, eSarcasm has learned.

The lawsuit claims Google has been using Apple’s newly innovated concepts, introduced on Monday, in its Android software for the past three years. The concepts in question include such features as auto-app updates, moving wallpapers with pastel-colored circles, a browsing experience that doesn’t make you want to kill yourself, and a somewhat post-2007 UI design.

“Apple prides itself on innovation and values,” a statement released by the company proclaims. “We will not stand by and watch Google copy the groundbreaking concepts we just invented and put them into its products three years ago.”

Apple went onto reiterate that “stealing isn’t right,” with CEO Tim Cook promising that “innovation and values will triumph once again.”

Apple is expected to file another retroactive lawsuit against Google in 2015 when it invents widgets, the slide-to-type keyboard, and a personal smartphone assistant that actually works.

SEE ALSO: Apple Files Patent for the Filing of Patents

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