Rants In Our Pants

Porn to Be Wild: How the World Gets its Rocks Off

Searching for Internet Porn isn’t just the US national past time. NSFW search site PornMD has detailed how people the world over get their stiffies. FYI: Kentucky is a lot gayer than you think.

By (@tynanwrites)

March 15, 2013

global net porn habits usa 550p

Kansas likes creampies. Texas is partial to teens. States from Illinois to Idaho are mad about MILFs, while Vermont leads the nation with its love for lesbians.

What the hell are we talking about? Global Internet Porn Habits, silly. What else? The fine folks at PornMD (now there’s a specialty practice for you) have taken time out of their busy days to compile lists of the top ten naughty search terms for every state in the union, as well as dozens of countries worldwide.

The results will open your eyes, and possibly other orifices as well. 

For example: Searches for Asian porn dominate the West Coast but barely register in the East. The Midwest is all college girls, creampies, and teens, but the number one porn search term across the US deep south is “ebony.” We shall now pause briefly to consider the deep social significance of that finding. OK, we’re done.

kentucky top 5

Here’s a shocker: In Kentucky, the search term “free gay porn (gay)” rules the day, proving that the Bluegrass state like its gay porn with extra gay sauce, as long as it’s really cheap.*

Worldwide, it gets stranger. In Romania, “mom and son” clocks in at number 1 and again at number 5. We don’t know what the fuck they’re doing over in Romania, but we think they need to stop – now.

In Iran, “daddy love (gay)” clocks in at #4, followed immediately by “hairy (gay)” and “hotel businessman (gay).” See what happens when you let the men wear less clothing than the women?

In South Korea, the tenth most popular porn search term is “shitting” — no, we are not shitting you. Still, that’s better than Lebanon’s fourth most popular search term: “shit orgy.” Yet another reason to be glad you’re not a hotel maid in Beirut.

israel top 5

Kenya’s number 9 search term is “fake vagina (gay),” leading us to conclude that the people in that African nation are deeply confused. Not Nigeria, though. There, the number 3 search term is “things I jack off to.” At least they’re clear on the concept.

And Israel’s number one porn search term? “Prostate.” Oy gevalt! Such pains we have, we wouldn’t wish on Hitler.

Update: Dr. Stanley Dorkus (aka Dr. Smartass) has announced his intention to sue PornMD, claiming they have violated his copyright, as he is the original Porn Doctor. More news as this develops.

* And no, we are not making any of this up. PornMD might be, though.






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