Alternate Reality

Internet Asks Romney and Obama for Help Generating Memes

Worldwide network pleads with candidates to release their next debate gaffes and ‘zingers’ early, so it will have time to prepare. An eSarcasm exclusive.

By (@tynanwrites)

October 21, 2012

The story you're about to read is not (entirely) true. It is, however, more accurate than most things on network television.

Saying it needed more time to come up with witty tweets and cleverly photoshopped images, the Internet has requested that President Barack Obama and Governor Mitt Romney pre-release the stupid things they’re planning to say or do before their final debate tomorrow night.

If a candidate is going to lie through his teeth, threaten to punch out the moderator, or stagger across the dais like one of the extras from The Walking Dead, we just want a heads up, the Net said.

“You think it’s easy to create memorable GIFs on the fly?” the Internet said. “Imagine what we could have done with Fire Big Bird and Binders Full of Women if we’d had more than two minutes’ notice.”

The network has proposed the campaigns prerecord the debate early for the Internet, then broadcast it at the scheduled time for AOL subscribers and other old people.

“We promise not to reveal any information about the direction the US is headed in over the next four years,” the Internet pledged. “We are only interested in amusing trivialities for people with attention spans of less than seven seconds.”

eSarcasm reached out to subjects of other Internet memes to gauge their feelings about this proposal. Big bird was napping and could not be reached for comment, Mo Farah ran away from us, and a spokesperson for McKayla Maroney told us she was not impressed.

Images courtesy of the InterWebs.

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