Alternate Reality

EXCLUSIVE: More Topless Duchess of Cambridge Pictures

That luscious Duchess just can’t seem to keep her bloomers on. She has been royally exposed once again — and we’ve got the goods. Prepare to be shocked, amazed, and, well, titillated.

By (@tynanwrites)

September 18, 2012

The story you're about to read is not (entirely) true. It is, however, more accurate than most things on network television.

Just days after French, Irish, and Italian tabloids published photos of the newest royal hottie sunbathing in the altogether, more photos have surfaced that portray the Duchess of Cambridge in a state of deshabile. (That means “undressed.” We had to look it up, too.)

eSarcasm has obtained exclusive rights to these new photos. We cannot reveal what we paid to get them, but suffice it to say that we’ll be eating mayonnaise sandwiches at the eSarcasm HQ commissary for the foreseeable future.

In keeping with eSarcasm’s strict no-nipple policy, we have covered up the naughty bits. Still, the results are more than a bit shocking.

That is, of course, an image of the smokin’ hot Princess and Landgravine Augusta of Hesse-Kassel, the consort of Prince Adolpholus, and maternal grandmother of Mary of Teck, queen consort to George V. (Yes, we know how to use Wikipedia, thank you.) She was Duchess of Cambridge for 71 years, from 1818 to 1889.

What, you had some other Duchess in mind?

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