Rants In Our Pants

Dear Google, Please Forgive us

We have ticked off the Adsense censors yet again with our potty mouths and naughty pix fixations. We are soooooooo sorry.

By (@tynanwrites)

March 1, 2012

It seems we have offended the Google Gods. Yes, again. You’d think we’d have learned from the last go round. But noooo. 

Nearly two years ago we published a story titled “Really Stupid Things People Say After Sex." We have since removed it, though you can find a copy in Google’s cache (insert irony here). Admittedly, with phrases like “Covered her t*** in c** again. probably the last time I’ll f*** her for a while though. b***** is getting way too f****** clingy,” this one was a bit over the top even for us.

So Google declared us in violation of their Adsense policies and pulled all their ads, depriving us of $27.82 of desperately needed income each month. Without that money, JR will never be able to afford the medications for his gender reassignment treatments.

But here’s the thing: Nearly all of the objectionable material on this page came from another Web site called I Just Made Love. (Which by the way, offers a mobile app in the Android Market.) We were just quoting from it, so we could make fun of the quasi-literate jacknapes who use that site after doing the dirty.

Had we known Google’s sensibilities were so delicate, we would never have used such spice words in its presence. We are deeply deeply sorry.

Again, though, we have to wonder why similarly stringent policies don’t apply to other Google advertising products and sites, including some operated by Google.*

Let’s look at the policies we allegedly violated, per the email we received from Adsense.

ADULT/EXPLICIT TEXT: AdSense publishers are not permitted to place Google ads on pages with adult or mature content, including sexually explicit text.

So we’re guessing this article from Cosmo titled “Dirty Talk: How to Sound Sexy in the Sack” didn’t get Google’s water boiling, eh? Because we had to hose ourselves down afterward. (But not before clicking those Doubleclick ads for JC Penny – did you know they’re having a massive home furnishings sale in March?)

ADULT/PROFANITY: AdSense publishers are not permitted to place Google ads on pages with adult or mature content, including extreme profanity.

Except apparently when they’re used in a headlines, as on this page from Wired.com featuring two Doubleclick display ads. For what it’s worth, we’ve never dropped the F bomb in display text. Why not? Fuck if we know.

ADULT/SEXUALLY GRATIFYING: AdSense publishers are not permitted to place Google ads on pages with adult or mature content. This includes images or video content containing lewd or provocative poses, or close-ups of breasts, butts, or crotches.

Unless you’re on YouTube searching for booty dance teens. Nothing lewd or provocative there, we’re sure.

ADULT/SHEER SEE THROUGH: AdSense publishers are not permitted to place Google ads on pages with adult or mature content. This includes images or video content containing strategically covered nudity, as well as sheer or see-through clothing.

So we guess this means Google will soon be censoring those strategically semi-nude pages from Maxim, which contains two Doubleclick ads. Or maybe not.

You see, at eSarcasm we’re big fans of free speech. We value it even more than looking at photos of semi-clothed women and making fun of Michael Arrington. So we are a bit confused as to how to follow Google’s rather inconsistent policies, and at a loss about what to do next. It seems our choices are to censor pretty much the whole of eSarcasm or drop out of Adsense entirely.

What do you suggest?

* It was all the jokes about Marissa Mayer, wasn’t it? We knew those would come back to bite us.






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Comments

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000645187729 Jake Kenin

    Thought it reeks of the “but theyre doing it” common of 5 year olds, this is hilarious