Alternate Reality

Apple iPad 3 to Feature Angelina Jolie’s Leg

Latest release of miraculous life-changing device will be available in one- and two-leg versions. An eSarcasm exclusive.

By (@tynanwrites)

February 28, 2012

The story you're about to read is not (entirely) true. It is, however, more accurate than most things on network television.

Apple is planning to unveil a new iPad on March 7 featuring the shapely legs of Angelina Jolie, eSarcasm has learned.

Invitations sent to members of the media earlier today indicate the addition of the sexy superstar’s appendages to the tablet, reading "We have something you really have to see. And touch."

Analysts contacted by eSarcasm have confirmed that Jolie’s legs are worth both seeing and touching.

The SuperMILF and mother of 4 6 12 previewed the upcoming iPad on Sunday’s Oscar telecast, flashing her considerable talents to an audience of more than 1 billion viewers.

According to inside* sources, the iPad 3 will be available in both single gam (1G) and double gam (2G) versions. Pricing and Brad Pitt’s feelings about all of this were not available at press time.

In unrelated news: Techcrunch is in late-stage negotiations to acquire eSarcasm’s patented AutoRumor/AlwaysRight technology. The troubled tech gossip site, which has had difficulty retaining staff since the departure of founder and ethics guru Michael Arrington, has decided to rely on algorithms to keep the site going until Aol. decides to unload it for next to nothing two years from now.

* Because they never leave the house.

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  • van hill

    why would anyone want to screw up beautiful tech with anglinas legs ??did you see those knobby knees?? and white  pass the sunglasses baby. KFC CALLED THE CORONEL WANT TO FRY THEM UP!!!