Alternate Reality

EXCLUSIVE: ‘Occupy’ Movement Takes on Apple in the Big Apple

Protesters gathered outside Apple’s flagship retail outlet in New York City to challenge the company’s treatment of its Chinese workforce. eSarcasm finds out what they’re really mad about.

By (@tynanwrites)

February 10, 2012

The story you're about to read is not (entirely) true. It is, however, more accurate than most things on network television.

An angry mob gathered outside Apple’s 5th Avenue retail outlet in Manhattan yesterday to protest the company’s treatment of its Chinese factory workers. They joined the growing "Occupy Apple" movement, which threatens to disrupt the wildly successful consumer electronics company.

The protestors were inspired by media reports of the abusive exploitative totally awesome treatment provided to the 700,000 employees at FoxConn in China’s Guangdong province.

We embedded a reporter within Occupy Apple to find out what people were so angry about. The results may surprise you:

* 52 percent said they were so outraged by the deplorable working conditions at Apple’s Chinese factories that they would almost consider not buying another iPhone or iPad, unless Apple introduced a new model in the next six months with some really kickass features.

* 48 percent said they had heard rumors about the iPad 3 announcement, saw a line forming outside the Apple Store, and immediately got in it, just in case.

* 24 percent agreed with the statement: "Apple is a vile and malevolent company that should be punished for its crimes against humanity."  (Correction: We actually asked this question about AT&T by mistake. Our bad.)

* 11 percent were disappointed Kanye hadn’t shown up yet.

* 2 percent were MG Siegler and John Gruber, who just came to heckle the other protestors.

* 1 percent were this guy, who showed up to wait in line for an iPhone in June 2008 and lapsed into a persistent vegetative state.

UPDATE: The protest was quelled when officials from Apple showed up at the site, gave the protestors a cup of tea and a biscuit, and shuttled them to a nearby factory where they assembled iPods for the next 96 hours.

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