Alternate Reality

Yahoo Goes From Dog to Dish — Again

Aging search bombshell tarts herself up, hoping for one last shot to hook up with Microsoft.

By (@tynanwrites)

July 21, 2009

The story you're about to read is not (entirely) true. It is, however, more accurate than most things on network television.

yahoo home page redesign slutsYahoo may be getting on in years, but like Demi Moore she’s still got a lot of cougar left in her.

This week the number two search portal revealed a new home page design. This is the 8th facelift in 15 years for Yahoo, approaching the current world record of 12, held jointly by the late Michael Jackson and Cher.

As with Yahoo’s 2006 makeover, the home page is based on the classic Brazen Hussy template, but with subtle changes. For example, the Bordello Red Yahoo logo has been replaced with a Passionate Purple model, and the page sports a slimmer profile thanks to sidebar reduction surgery.

So far, the new look has gotten a favorable reception from critics.

“It’s definitely more Elegant French Courtesan, less Dime Store Ho,'” says Naomi Campbell, supermodel and reigning world champion in the Olympic Cell Phone Toss. “The new Yahoo is someone you wouldn’t be ashamed to bring home, as long as your mother wasn’t around.”

Analysts speculate the new home page is aimed at making the site more attractive to Microsoft, which has entered into negotiations about buying Yahoo’s ad network for the 3,457th time in two years.

“With this redesign Yahoo is sending a clear message to Redmond: ‘I’m bombed off my ass and I’m not wearing any panties’,” says Brüno Gehard, freelance metrosexual. “‘Have your way with me, you big awful brute. Just don’t leave any visible bruising.'”

Other analysts weren’t sure Yahoo would be satisifed with the new look, speculating she’d be ready for more surgery in another year or two.

When approached for comment, American Idol judge Paula Abdul mumbled something incoherent and went face down into her spinach dip. However, she still managed to tweet “I love U all so MUCH! Your support meens the WORLD 2ME!!!” on her iPhone.

Photos: Yahoo, Rose of Niagra, Adult Friend Finder

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