Alternate Reality

Adobe Flash Funeral Marred by Apple Protestors

Carrying signs and hurling insults, members of the West Cupertino Applest Church protested at a ceremony honoring the memory of Adobe Flash. An eSarcasm exclusive.

By (@tynanwrites)

November 10, 2011

The story you're about to read is not (entirely) true. It is, however, more accurate than most things on network television.

A small private ceremony held to mark the passing of Adobe Flash was marred yesterday by Apple protestors.

Carrying signs proclaiming “God Hates Flash” and “It’s Not Your Phone,” the members of the West Cupertino Applest Church shouted and hurled insults at the handful of mourners shuffling past.

Adobe Flash died earlier this week after a troubled past. It was just 15 years old. Cause of death was unknown at press time, though police have not ruled out suicide.

The video star’s promising career was cut short after it was rejected by Apple in its design of the life-changing iPhone. After being publicly savaged by Steve Jobs in April 2010, Flash became despondent. In the end, it was bloated and unstable.

In lieu of flowers, mourners are requested to leave flaming bags of dog feces on the doorstep of Apple Headquarters at 1 Infinite Loop.






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Comments

  • Thehills83

    Oh flash. We hardly knew you

    • http://esarcasm.com dantynan

      and even that was too much.

  • Thehills83

    Oh flash. We hardly knew you

  • http://empoprise-bi.blogspot.com/ John E. Bredehoft (Empoprises)

    Yeah, but did you hear that the church actually used a Flash presentation to alert supporters to their protest?

    Actually, the linked article indicates that Westboro and Apple agreed on one thing – both claim that the iPhone was created by God.

  • Noorda

    No Flashmob ?