Alternate Reality

eSarcasm Sues Author of ‘Steve Jobs’ Biography

Beloved satirical site claims Walter Isaacson used its content without permission and is demanding a split of the profits. Also: We want Ben Affleck and Matt Damon to play us in the movie. An eSarcasm exclusive.

By (@eSarcasm)

October 25, 2011

The story you're about to read is not (entirely) true. It is, however, more accurate than most things on network television.

eSarcasm will file suit against Walter Isaacson, author of the smash hit best-seller Steve Jobs, and his publisher Simon & Schuster for using its content without permission, the site revealed today.

Specifically, the suit alleges that on or about page 517 of the 630-page book, Isaacson willfully and with malice of forethought quoted from its story (“Get Your ‘Yes, Steve…I Want Porn’ Android Badge”) thusly:

Still, there was something unnerving about Apple’s decreeing that those who bought their products shouldn’t look at controversial political cartoons or, for that matter, porn. The humor site launched a “Yes, Steve, I want porn” web campaign. “We are dirty, sex-obsessed miscreants who need access to smut 24 hours a day,” the site declared. “Either that, or we just enjoy the idea of an uncensored open society where a techno-dictator doesn’t decide what we can and cannot see.”

According to eSarcasm attorney Manuel “Manny” Fishbein, Esq., the use of that quote violates the site’s terms of service, which contain the following disclaimer:

Unauthorized use of any portion of this Web site is forbidden without the express written consent of the National Football League eSarcasm.

Though Fishbein says this text was accidentally styled with a white font so as to appear invisible (like this: EAT A DICK), he is confident eSarcasm will still prevail in a court of law, because otherwise he won’t get paid.

eSarcasm is demanding a share of the profits equivalent to its participation in the book, or approximately 0.000000000534217 percent. The site’s co-founders JR Raphael and Dan Tynan are also demanding that in the movie version of the book they are played by Ben Affleck and Matt Damon, respectively.

In a separate action, eSarcasm co-founder Dan Tynan is suing Isaacson for quoting from his 2006 PC World story, “The 25 Worst Tech Products of All Time” (pages 395-396). He is demanding that Isaacson change his name so that it’s easier to spell.

“Two S’s and one A, or one S and two A’s? – it’s just too damned confusing,” says Tynan.

Get fresh geek humor delivered daily: RSS | E-Mail | Twitter