Alternate Reality

EXCLUSIVE: Yahoo Considering WALL-E for CEO Position

Trash-compacting robot in “final stages” of interview process, sources say; could be named chief executive within days.

By (@jr_raphael)

September 7, 2011

The story you're about to read is not (entirely) true. It is, however, more accurate than most things on network television.

With Carol Bartz now officially out the door at Yahoo, speculation is swirling about who could replace her as the struggling company’s CEO. While plenty of familiar names have been batted about, eSarcasm has learned Yahoo’s leading candidate is anything but a typical executive.

WALL-E sighted outside of Yahoo's headquarters this week; preliminary negotiations said to be “well underway”

WALL-E sighted outside of Yahoo's headquarters this week; preliminary negotiations said to be “well underway”

Fictional robot WALL-E is being closely considered for Yahoo’s chief executive position, numerous sources suggest. The trash-compacting creature evidently caught the company’s eye when he appeared in the 2008 Pixar film bearing his name. Yahoo’s board of directors has reportedly been tracking him ever since, with negotiations formally beginning upon word of Bartz’s departure.

“They wanted WALL-E right after [previous CEO Jerry] Yang,” explains one source with detailed knowledge of the proceedings. “But they felt they needed a more traditional candidate to hold the position for a few years first in order to justify such an unconventional move.”

The robot’s low salary requirements are said to be a driving factor in the board’s interest. Yahoo, recent estimates suggest, has approximately $37.64 remaining in its corporate account. As such, the company believes its odds of convincing any accomplished and qualified CEO to accept an offer are “highly unlikely,” according to various insiders.

“Pretty much every candidate wants a reasonable salary, benefits, all that stuff,” one source notes. “But not WALL-E.”

Also said to have impressed Yahoo’s board are WALL-E’s experience cleaning up destroyed planets and his tendency to make cute-sounding robot noises.

Bartz was not immediately available for comment. Former CEO Yang, spotted eating a jelly sandwich in a neighborhood park, appeared surprised by the speculation. “Neat,” he said, sipping from his juice box. “I’d still get to be ‘Chief Yahoo,’ right?”






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  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andrew-Tiger-Shuman/100001453536668 Andrew ‘Tiger’ Shuman

    Looooooool