Dirty Weiner: 34 Hilarious Anthony Weiner Headlines

The Anthony Weiner scandal is making news funnier than ever. Here are 34 double entendre-filled headlines that definitely measure up.

By (@JRRaphael)

June 10, 2011

Funny Anthony Weiner HeadlinesWe never thought we’d say this, but thank God for Weiner.

Ever since Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-NY) showed his wanger to the world, catching up on the news has been like watching a nonstop comedy marathon. Seriously — how can you not crack up when you see a headline like this on a reputable news site (and yes, this is a real screen-grab):

Anthony Weiner Fox News

That’s a Weiner winner right there, friends. But still, we think the world’s headline writers could do even better; after all, this is a rare golden opportunity we’ve been given. So rather than sit back and complain, we’ve decided to take the matter of Weiner into our own hands (yeah, yeah — it wouldn’t be the first time, we know).

Behold: the 34 best Anthony Weiner headlines you haven’t seen.

Anthony Weiner Headlines

  1. Weiner Situation Appears Hairier Than Expected

  2. Hard Times Ahead For Weiner

  3. Weiner: ‘I’m in a Dark Place’

  4. Weiner Visibly Moist With Emotion

  5. Weiner Cites Bush As ‘Life-Long Inspiration’

  6. Weiner: Head of Staff Particularly Sensitive Following Incident

  7. Weiner Experiences Heavy Friction

  8. Weiner: ‘I Didn’t Mean to Shove This Down Anyone’s Throat’

  9. Weiner Seeks to Satisfy Demands, Fill Remaining Holes

Weiner wiener  10. Climax Nears In Weiner Probe

  11. Weiner Embarrassed By Performance, Swears It’s Never Happened Before

  12. Survey: New York Women Disgusted by Weiner

  13. Weiner Violations Short But Impactful

  14. Weiner Seeks Missionary For Spiritual Release

  15. Weiner Held In Contempt

  16. Weiner Thrust Into Public Eye

Wiener Dog  17. Weiner Appears Stiff During Oral Presentation

  18. Weiner Promises Quick Cleanup Following Self-Made Mess

  19. Weiner Retracts as Nation Turns Cold

  20. Wife Says Weiner Is a Letdown

  21. Weiner: ‘I Feel Like I’ve Had the Life Sucked Out of Me’

  22. Weiner Hopes to Slip Between the Cracks

  23. Survey: 30 Percent of Men Like Weiner

Weiner Roast  24. Weiner Seen Entering Canal In New York

  25. Female Voters Call For Firm Handling of Weiner Situation

  26. Weiner Criticized For Shortcomings

  27. Survey: Weiner Probe Ended Prematurely

  28. Weiner Promises Fluidic Exchange With Supporters

  29. Weiner Droops as Support Lessens

  30. Weiner Appears Limp and Deflated, Head Hanging In Shame

Wiener Mobile  31. Mayor Puts Pressure on Weiner

  32. Weiner Spurts Out Thick Stream of Nonsense

  33. Weiner Sweats During Public Beating

  34. Weiner’s Stickiest Moments Still to Come

Got a funny Weiner headline of your own? Don’t be a wiener: Get it on the fun and leave it in the comments section below.

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