Alternate Reality

BREAKING: Apple to Hire Charlie Sheen as Apple iPad 2 Spokesperson

At today’s Apple iPad 2 announcement, actor Charlie Sheen will declare that he’s crazy about the Apple iPad 2 — and everything else. An eSarcasm exclusive.

By (@tynanwrites)

March 2, 2011

The story you're about to read is not (entirely) true. It is, however, more accurate than most things on network television.

As Apple prepares to unveil the Apple iPad 2 at today’s special event in San Francisco, Apple iPad 2 fans will be in for a special surprise, eSarcasm has learned. Along with groovy new features like a front-facing camera, the Apple iPad 2 will be gaining a new face: Charlie Sheen.

The irrepressible former star of “Two and a Half Men” has been all over the news lately, getting the kind of exposure usually reserved for miraculous, life-changing products like the Apple iPad 2. That has not gone unnoticed by Apple, say Apple iPad 2 watchers.

“With Jobs out of the picture, somebody has to step up to sustain interest in the Apple iPad 2,” said one Apple iPad 2 watcher, who asked to be identified only as ‘Apple iPad 2 watcher’. “Charlie Sheen’s brand wacky brand of batshit crazy is exactly what Apple needs right now.”

Sources close to Apple say Charlie Sheen will be featured in a series of new Apple iPad 2 ads in which Sheen uses the Apple iPad 2’s front-facing camera to chat with his goddesses and visit his children from the sanitarium.

When reached for comment, Charlie Sheen offered the following statement:

“I’m different. I have a different constitution, I have a different brain, I have a different heart. I got tiger blood, man. And so does the Apple iPad 2. Duh, winning!”

Other Apple iPad 2 experts contacted by eSarcasm suggested this story was concocted entirely to drive Web traffic by combining two trending search terms in one ridiculous story.

Officials at eSarcasm could not be reached for comment.

Note: This story was created in collaboration with Demand Media, makers of SEO-friendly Web content since 2007.

Get fresh geek humor delivered daily: RSS | E-Mail | Twitter