Alternate Reality

Dinner With Obama: What Those Tech Execs Were Really Thinking

Ever wonder what it’s like to eat dinner with the leader of the free world and a bunch of high-tech billionaires? Well wonder no more. We have the inside skinny. And believe us, it’s not pretty.

By (@tynanwrites)

February 18, 2011

The story you're about to read is not (entirely) true. It is, however, more accurate than most things on network television.

While it wasn’t exactly The Last Supper, many of the leading lights of Silicon Valley got to break bread with the president the other night. A photograph of the epic meeting has been circulating around the WebberNets.

What were these billionaire tech execs really thinking? Here’s a quick guide.

Mark Zuckerberg: “Glad I finally got a chance to wear the suit Mom got for my bar mitzvah.”

Dick Costolo (Twitter): Dinner w/ POTUS, Zuck, and Jobs! have not been this excited since @juliaallison showed me her tramp stamp. ZOMG!!! #jizzmypants

Carol Bartz: “Pass the goddamn potatoes, asshole!”

Reed Hastings (Netflix): “Mr. President, that DVD of Black Anal Assassins on your waiting list is now in.”

Larry Ellison: “Check out the rack on that blonde next to Schmidt. Hello Mrs. Ellison number five.”

John Chambers (Cisco): “Does Jobs ever take off that fucking turtleneck?”

Eric Schmidt: “Sergei swore the invite said ‘BYOH – Bring Your Own Hooker.’ I’m gonna get that little twerp.”

Steve Jobs: “It might just be all that organic beet juice I just drank, but I really have to take a miraculous, life-changing dump.”

President Barak Obama: “And Michelle thinks I’m a geek. She should spend two hours with these dorks.”

Photo (with callouts): SearchEngineLand

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