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Apple Making Microscopically Small iPhone

The new iPhone Nano will be so small you’ll need a magnifying glass to see it and so cheap Apple will be paying you to use one. Hey, we read it on the InterWebs, so it must be true.

By (@tynanwrites)

February 14, 2011

The story you're about to read is not (entirely) true. It is, however, more accurate than most things on network television.

Well-placed sources have revealed that Apple is building an iPhone so small it will require tweezers and a magnifying glass in order to operate it.

Roughly the size of a fingernail, the iPhone Nano is expected to create a new market for smart phones small enough to be worn on or inside the body, such as the prototype nano worn here by supermodel Cindy Crawford.

The new Nanos will rely on voice activation and cloud services to reduce the need to physically interact with the device. Apple watchers say the Nano’s eensy-weensy touchscreen will not deter most Apple fan boys.

“Most people already find the iPhone impossible to type on,” says one Apple observer who is not John Gruber, we swear. “And you can’t watch porn on it in any case. So what’s the big deal?”

To undercut the popularity of Android handsets, Apple is also planning an aggressive pricing strategy. Sources say the new iPhone Nano will be so cheap Apple will actually pay you to use it. (And if you buy one from AT&T, they’ll pay you double.) The company will make up the cost via increased fees for apps and other ways of dicking people around.

Though engineering designs for the iPhone Nano have been ready for some time, sources say the project has been delayed while the Chinese developed a race of genetically modified factory workers small enough to assemble the phones. These nanoworkers have now been deployed at Apple’s FoxConn manufacturing facility.

When reached for comment, a spokesperson for Apple refused to confirm she was a spokesperson for Apple.

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